Last Name

by **igiveadamn** » Sat Nov 13, 2004 4:30 am

In this age of equality how many women would prefer to retain their surnames even after marriage?

Ladies : How many of you would WANT to keep your surname even after marriage and how many of you would'nt mind changing your surname to that of your husband's?

Gents: How many of you would WANT your wife to change her surname to your surname and how many of you don't have a problem if they prefer not to?

I always had this doubt. Since feminists now-a-days are always talking about equality for women AND tradition at the same time. How many of them would like to follow this particular tradition?

I am sorry if this has been discussed before, in which case, I would appreciate it if someone guided me to that thread.

by **Habitual Perfectionist** » Sat Nov 13, 2004 4:41 am

Don't know if this has been discussed before or not...but I have something to say on this one.

This issue was a big bone of contention between me and wifey before marriage. She was too radical in the sense that she wanted no change in her name at all. Her argument was that she was so used to that name that she didn't want to change. Somehow, better sense prevailed and now, she carries both her maiden lastname as well as our family name.

What I feel about this subject is that a couple should have a common lastname. A husband and wife going by two different lastnames would show a complete social disconnect between the two, which is not a very healthy sign. Goes to show that both of them are extremely individualistic in nature and are not ready to compromise.

But finally, its a matter of individual choice and convenience. Whatever the case maybe, the couple should agree with each other on the stand that they take on this issue.

by **igiveadamn** » Sat Nov 13, 2004 4:51 am

I had asked many of my griends this question in the past. They wanted to keep their family name at any cost. Some even went to the extent of suggesting that marriage is not worthy enough to be losing their surname. When I pointed out that the surname they have is that of their fathers' and not their mothers', they said they didn't have any problems with their kids having their husbands' surname. All they wanted is to keep their original surname. No offense to the ladies, but all that sounded like stubborness and idiotic on my friends' part to me.

At the end one wonders what the fuss is all about. Is it just to prove that they are better than males? I mean, why not follow tradition when it is harmless?

by **Habitual Perfectionist** » Sat Nov 13, 2004 4:58 am

I think you're right there. The only reason I feel why ladies are stubborn at times on this issue could be a subconscious urge to challenge the patriarchal social setup. But somehow I feel that this is not the right issue to place that challenge. There are so many other issues where they could challenge the system in a much healthier way.

by **igiveadamn** » Sat Nov 13, 2004 5:08 am

Habitual Perfectionist wrote:The only reason I feel why ladies are stubborn at times on this issue could be a subconscious urge to challenge the patriarchal social setup.

Exactly. I guess most women now-a-days feel the need to stamp their authority over men, which actually doesn't equate to equality. I have this friend who is so stubborn about her surname, she keeps telling me that her surname is her identity and she does not want to lose her identity. The funny thing is that she keeps saying she'll give up everything to find that perfect guy and when I asked her if she would give up her surname too she said NO. When I told her there's nothing in a name, she suggested that I change my surname to my wife's surname in the future because there's nothing in a name to me.

by **Jaan** » Sat Nov 13, 2004 8:02 am

Interesting topic, IGAD!

Personally, I would change my last name to my future husband's. I think it is pratical, gives you a sense of "a couple," and I have a middle name, so I really can't afford my last name and his name too - too long!

I am as feminist as the next person but I think this is one of those sacrifices you have to make a marriage work. I (or him for that matter) certainly don't want to be irritated over something so trivial when you consider everything involved in one of the deep relationships.

Jaan

by **lonewolf** » Sat Nov 13, 2004 8:33 am

I prefer the Filipino method of preserving the maiden last name and appending the husband's last name after marriage.

This way, they keep their old last name (it becomes the middle name after marriage) and they have a new last name (thats the husband's last name).

Personally I think its ok if the wife keeps her old last name. She need not change it just to satisfy "tradition" or the general male chauvinistic tendencies which are laid down as rules and passed down the line.

by **Rabab** » Sat Nov 13, 2004 9:20 am

I never had my family name as a surname...coze most of the ppl in hyderabad don't really give girls their family name i beileve...they usually give them last names as "fatima, begum, unissa, or bano...stuff like that..may be thats why i never had my family name....i always wanted to have it..but my dad was totally against giving girls their family names...he beileve girls get their real family name after marriage :roll:

anyways.... i love to have my husband's last name..even though i used to hate that name before...but i don't mind now....

by **CtrlAltDel** » Sat Nov 13, 2004 9:38 am

i know many working girls who retained their original family name after marriage coz they didnt want to change their passports, certificates etc etc etc....avoiding unnecessary delays, redtape related problems etc.

one option many couples have is to go for a double-barelled surnames...ie both the husband's surname n wife's surname are combined with a 'hyphen' and both of them adopt it.

by **SimarikSmokin** » Sat Nov 13, 2004 9:58 pm

i will have his and my last name

by **Cowboy** » Sat Nov 13, 2004 11:42 pm

I don't know what the big deal is...one name is just as good as another. Since I don't use my family name anywhere, I got no probs changing my family name to her family name :lol:

by **igiveadamn** » Sun Nov 14, 2004 12:39 am

Interesting inputs from you guys.

by **solosynergy** » Sun Nov 14, 2004 12:42 am

hell no i don want my wife to change her name or me change names. i have a government office phobia and i do not want to do anything of the sorts of changing namem. boy the dinghy govt offices are not worth it.

by **Lucifer** » Sun Nov 14, 2004 2:44 am

Actually, I really do not have any issues with my wife retaining her name. I have no issues if she wants to give her surname to our kids.

by **igiveadamn** » Sun Nov 14, 2004 3:03 am

The last name issue is widely prevalent among young adults in the cities. Virtually nobody from lesser towns and villages care about it and follow the age old tradition. What could be the reason?

by **Igiveadamn** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 6:42 pm

solosynergy wrote:hell no i don want my wife to change her name or me change names. i have a government office phobia and i do not want to do anything of the sorts of changing namem. boy the dinghy govt offices are not worth it.

Is it really tough to change a name legally? What is the process and how long does it take?

by **Reality,,its here.Accept it.** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 6:54 pm

Lucifer wrote:Actually, I really do not have any issues with my wife retaining her name. I have no issues if she wants to give her surname to our kids.

> I totally agree with "the devil"

on this.

Its practical for the girl to retain her maiden surname name because she had lived all her life with that name and hence all her documents carry that. Well if the idea of holding on to her maiden surname shows disconnect as some members think, I think they can reach a solution as in using the husband's surname for social consumption and hold back their original name for all the legal documentation.

When it comes to the kids, i would like mine to have my surname. There is no logic to this but I guess it feels nice.

.( for me ofcourse )

by **Igiveadamn** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 8:03 pm

Why women should have their husband's family name and not the other way round.

Consider a scenario where two people, a guy and a girl, have met. The boy's father and the girl's mother are siblings and in the same way the boy's mother and the girl's father are siblings. The girl's father had no problem taking his wife's family name say 'XYZ' when she insisted upon it. Now the boy's father followed tradition and he shares his surname 'XYZ' with his wife. As a result, It turns out that both the boy and the girl share the same family name 'XYZ'. As we all know, among telugus, these cousins can marry. But technically speaking they are brother and sister going by their family name. To avoid this kind of a dilema women should take their men's family name(because statistically these type of conflicts can be avoided if women change their names).

So am I officially a male chauvinist pig now?

by **solosynergy** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 8:08 pm

Igiveadamn wrote:
solosynergy wrote:hell no i don want my wife to change her name or me change names. i have a government office phobia and i do not want to do anything of the sorts of changing namem. boy the dinghy govt offices are not worth it.
Is it really tough to change a name legally? What is the process and how long does it take?

i really dont know how difficult it is to get a name change but then entering a government office means a minimum of a whole day lost if u have all the necessary documents and if not u can come back the next day. and hell y change names.i really dont think it should matter.

by **Bimbette** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 8:10 pm

Lucifer wrote: I have no issues if she wants to give her surname to our kids.

Interesting. I dont know too many guys who'd say the same.

Personally, would like to retain my surname. No its not a hard-core feminist talking. I'm comfortable with the same and I think he should understand just like I'd understand his point of view, whenever the need arose. After all, isn't marriage all about letting the person be ?

by **Igiveadamn** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 8:15 pm

solosynergy wrote:i really dont know how difficult it is to get a name change but then entering a government office means a minimum of a whole day lost if u have all the necessary documents and if not u can come back the next day. and hell y change names.i really dont think it should matter.

There was this friend of mine who wanted to change his name when in college and he was talking about getting a lawyer and a paper ad. Can anyone enlighten?

by **daisy** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 8:20 pm

interesting topic

personally, i dont have a problem changing my lastname. no big deal.

by **Igiveadamn** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 8:21 pm

daisy wrote:interesting topic

personally, i dont have a problem changing my lastname. no big deal.

So there's still hope in this world. God bless.

by **Teaser** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 8:26 pm

Habitual Perfectionist wrote:Don't know if this has been discussed before or not...but I have something to say on this one.

What I feel about this subject is that a couple should have a common lastname. A husband and wife going by two different lastnames would show a complete social disconnect between the two, which is not a very healthy sign. Goes to show that both of them are extremely individualistic in nature and are not ready to compromise.
.

Agreed....but if its jus matter of having one common surname...then why not a husband takes up his wife surname.

Hey girls , jus tell me what sense it makes to carry ur maiden name and ur husbands family all together ..

2 Tease

by **Igiveadamn** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 8:29 pm

Teaser wrote:Agreed....but if its jus matter of having one common surname...then why not a husband takes up his wife surname.

Hey girls , jus tell me what sense it makes to carry ur maiden name and ur husbands family all together ..

2 Tease

This is why:

Igiveadamn wrote:Why women should have their husband's family name and not the other way round.

Consider a scenario where two people, a guy and a girl, have met. The boy's father and the girl's mother are siblings and in the same way the boy's mother and the girl's father are siblings. The girl's father had no problem taking his wife's family name say 'XYZ' when she insisted upon it. Now the boy's father followed tradition and he shares his surname 'XYZ' with his wife. As a result, It turns out that both the boy and the girl share the same family name 'XYZ'. As we all know, among telugus, these cousins can marry. But technically speaking they are brother and sister going by their family name. To avoid this kind of a dilema women should take their men's family name(because statistically these type of conflicts can be avoided if women change their names).

So am I officially a male chauvinist pig now?

3Tease

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