Husband & best friend?

by **tellme** » Fri Apr 23, 2004 6:01 pm

My marriage is 1 yr old and my husband is a nice guy ,i love him very much and he is also very loving and caring.

The problem is before marriage i had few friends, we used to spent time together. After that i got engaged, suddenly one of those guy proposed to me and said he wanted to marry me. I refused because it was out of question. I wanted to break friendship at that time because i know its very difficult to maintain friendship after that, but he said ok just lets be friends, he is really a good friend of mine and i also don't want to loose him as a friend so i said yes.

After that i got married and get settled in my life we used to chat sometime and we had contact through mails. Suddenly 3-4 months back again, he told me i want to marry u, i thought he was joking but he was very serious, and told me i don't care if u r married or not i want to marry u, and i love u a lot .

How he can say like that? After that i maintained no contact with him. But it really hurts, to loose a good friend and sometimes i do think of him, and miss him. Sometime i feel like calling him. I feel guilty for his position.

tell me

1) Did i do right or wrong by closing all contacts with him?

2) The day he proposed me, i should have had no contact with him?

3) Why a male and female cant be good friends? why in between this loves comes sooner or later ?

4) Am i responsible for his sufferrings?

by **CtrlAltDel** » Fri Apr 23, 2004 6:16 pm

tellme wrote:1) Did i do right or wrong by closing all contacts with him?

u did right in avoiding him after that incident.

tellme wrote:2) The day he proposed me, i should have had no contact with him?

no, usually normal guys wud take the 'NO' in their stride and continue the friendship. but in your case it now seems you shud've cut him off right in the beginning. but its not yr fault. u can hardly see the future, can u?

tellme wrote:3) Why a male and female cant be good friends? why in between this loves comes sooner or later ?

the age old question.

they can be very good friends provided the 'limits' are observed. in your case that guy has crossed all limits and has become obsessed with you.

tellme wrote:4) Am i responsible for his sufferrings?

no way...

look yaar, what u did right from the time u rejected his proposal is perfectly right. dont be fooled into thinking that u r responsible for his state now. he shud understand that u r married and most importantly he shud understand his limits. he might have misunderstood some words or gestures from u, but again u r not responsible for how he understands u.

stay away from that guy. if yr husband is of understanding type, tell him abt this guys obsession and ask for his help. yr hubby will surely take care of him next time that creep tries to approach u.

i know its difficult to let go of old friends this way, but its necessary to maintain your sanity. to me it looks like he's no longer worthy of your friendship.

by **azazel** » Fri Apr 23, 2004 8:01 pm

need anyone say more??

by **mysterious babe** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 9:04 am

this looks like a difficult situation................were u so pally enuf that u would discuss ur relation with ur hubby with this guy..generally what happens is when there r some fights in the marraige u share ur feelings with a close friend.........mayb u would have done that giving him the feeling that prob there r some problems in ur marraige......may b thats y he could have proposed u.

If ur hubby is aware of this freindship or urs then it makes sense in telling him else he really needs to b broad minded to accept all this.....[/u]

by ZC » Mon Apr 26, 2004 9:57 am

azazel wrote:need anyone say more??

MB wanted to

and me too..........

he says he wanted to marry u.....

he didnt have the guts to say it...........

then he watched Mere Yaar ki shaadhi hain and got some guts.........."for a few minutes only"

then he said, lets be friends.......now, again he wants to marry you......so, he breaks a promise........digest that first.

and he says, he doesnt care if u are married, he wants u to divorce and marry him.....
whatz the guarantee that he wont say, i never said "i dont care if u were married".

he is a gut-less .........promise break-er........no need to worry abt him...
in a such a serious issue of marriage......hes so damn fickle minded :roll:

3) Why a male and female cant be good friends? why in between this loves comes sooner or later ?

there r a few good guys........did u read it properly "FEW".......and this guy definitely is not one of them.

U DID THE RT THING BY NOT TALKING TO HIM

u can expect many many arm-chair advisors posting here in your support of what u did

by **black wizard** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 10:08 am

if he had a shred of decency in him he wudnt have asked u to marry him. inspite of knowing that ur happy with ur husband he did that. he looks like an egoistic chauvanistic(did u get the spelling rite?) maniac who cannot take no for an answer.

by **Mayavi Morpheus** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 10:11 am

I have nothing to say

by ZC » Mon Apr 26, 2004 10:13 am

Mayavi Morpheus wrote:I have nothing to say

man, u shud say something.......u r disappointing me :cry:

by **Mayavi Morpheus** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 10:20 am

Want to, but I am way too confused. Will think of something by tomorrow and post here.

by ZC » Mon Apr 26, 2004 10:22 am

ur confused.......ur confusion over this makes me confused now :wink:

by **Mayavi Morpheus** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 10:29 am

This is a serious topic and u re tryign to increase post count :roll:

by ZC » Mon Apr 26, 2004 10:31 am

Mayavi Morpheus wrote:This is a serious topic and u re tryign to increase post count

yes, on such a serious topic......

ur confused abt supporting the girl or supporting the boy......

that is making me very confused :roll:

by **gods_gift2_mankind** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 12:09 pm

tellme wrote:1) Did i do right or wrong by closing all contacts with him?

everybody here has pretty much said everything, tellme. But i can't help adding my tuppenny to it.

Yes it does hurt a lot to lose a close friend. But then you have to realize that whatever happens from now on, that you've made up your mind, things will never be the same between the both of u. The crack will always remain. Whatever you do.

You just have to pick up the pieces and move on! It will be tough, but isn't every important decision?

And you will also hurt for a while, but you will gradually overcome that, and one day there will be no pain there... just a memory

tellme wrote:
2) The day he proposed me, i should have had no contact with him?

Nah, you probably did what you thought best. Never regret!

tellme wrote:3) Why a male and female cant be good friends? why in between this loves comes sooner or later ?

Not necessarily. That may be the case often, but not all the time

tellme wrote:4) Am i responsible for his sufferrings?

Not a chance. He has brought it on himself. But that again doesn't mean the guy should be loathed. Never waste your energies so. Hate people who deserve to be hated. Never waste your anger.

by **akhilis2cool** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 12:11 pm

C`mon MM bhai.

Give the reply :twisted:

by **tellme** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 2:37 pm

Hi !

Thanks for ur comments .It made me feel OK. I never had any problem with my husband he is just like my friend. I never discusses my home issues with anyone forget my this friend. I only came to this board because i was not feeling good abt my decision, and also i cant tell anybody. I know what i did is right but u know when u have to take decisions u need some people to support u, that to when somebody is getting so much affected from ur decision.

Previously I was not able to figure out what was wrong with that guy, but now i can say as one of u told he is obssessed with me and the best option is to " stay away with him ".Thanks ,that advise is also imp because sometime i get urge of calling or contacting him.Its difficult to loose a good friend.

I cant say he is a bad or creep or anythiing like that, he always behaved well with me, very supportive, helping but only only because this love came in between i had to had to leave him. So sometimes i don't feel good abt this love. It ruined our friendship. i always considered LOVE and friendship as two different things.

I don't think it is imp to tell my husband. I think he(my friend) won't create any problem for me, but again i don't know future. But i trusts my friend, i trusted him for so many yrs. If i tell my husband i know he won't take it otherwise and help me out but anyway now i think its over and i can handle it by myself.

thanks CAD,ZC,MB,MM,GG2M,BW and A again for ur support and if u had anything more in ur mind tell me...

take care

Enjoy

by **azazel** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 3:22 pm

ladies n genitalmen..

another job well-done..line-up for bonuses @ fullhyd office..

:wink:

here's wishin "Tellme" a happy married life :!:

n incase, the guy comes back to trouble u.. remember we've got crazy ppl with all sorts of wmd's here .. :roll:

p.s: dun tell Bush :twisted:

by **CtrlAltDel** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 4:21 pm

tellme wrote:thanks CAD,ZC,MB,MM,GG2M,BW and A again for ur support and if u had anything more in ur mind tell me...

no problemo...! ready to help anytime ma'am! now lead a happy pest free married life...

by ZC » Mon Apr 26, 2004 4:21 pm

tellme wrote:I never discusses my home issues with anyone forget my this friend.

with that good attitude......we neednt give suggestions to you

by **tellme** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 5:01 pm

zc wrote:

with that good attitude......we neednt give suggestions to you

well, i think u should try to solve ur problem on ur own, but at the same time u should know when u have to cry for help, otherwise u'll be lost forever.

So u can say it was my cry for help, and i wanted some suggestions ...

some lighter moments now ...

------------------------------------------------------

A friend asked a gentleman why he never married?

Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.

"She was looking for the perfect man."

----------------------------------------------------

At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime."

"Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99."

The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega- phone: "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?"

by **CtrlAltDel** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 5:38 pm

tellme wrote:well, i think u should try to solve ur problem on ur own, but at the same time u should know when u have to cry for help, otherwise u'll be lost forever.

Right! no harm asking for help if u feel like it...! many minds n ideas are better than one, in some situations.

btw, yr second "boat-wallah" joke can be a good sardarji joke! :lol:

by **azazel** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 12:18 am

CtrlAltDel wrote:
tellme wrote:well, i think u should try to solve ur problem on ur own, but at the same time u should know when u have to cry for help, otherwise u'll be lost forever.
Right! no harm asking for help if u feel like it...! many minds n ideas are better than one, in some situations.

btw, yr second "boat-wallah" joke can be a good sardarji joke!

well, a lil friendly advice never hurt anyone unless the guy givin the advice was Sidhu :lol:

i second the joke part :lol:

by **Mayavi Morpheus** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 2:16 am

advice ka kya hai, muft me milega. Hum hai hi isliye yaha pe. Yeh mamle mein main kuch nahi keh sakta, if you or others have any problems do post here. Free advice!

by **tellme** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 9:24 am

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in

various places of India.

A candidate's application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling

for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or

Female'... As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both, I

am applying for the post.

I.T.I., Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to

go to my village to sell my land along with my

wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to

the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not

return, please grant me half day casual leave"

A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am

suffering from headache. I request you to leave me

today"

An incident of a leave letter "I am suffering from fever, please declare one

day holiday."

Another leave letter written to the headmaster: As my headache is paining,

please grant me leave for the day.

A covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."

Another one: "Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my

below..."

>From H.A.L. Administration dept: As my mother-in-law has expired and I am

responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.

Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from

sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

Letter writing: -

"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his

daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter,

please grant a week's leave.."

by ZC » Tue Apr 27, 2004 9:28 am

y particular reference to ITI and HAL..........

this email as a forward came to me many times, but without names of organizations

now, they have been added :roll:

Husband & best friend?

Husband & best friend?

Re: Husband & best friend?

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