Rules for Men from Women

[CtrlAltDel]

I am a 100% original, aboriginal Portuguese Man-Of-War.

buddy, for your information, "Portuguese Man-of-war" is a sea creature - a kind of jelly fish with a rather painful sting.



its nothing to do with aborigines or the Portuguese.

[SpyGlass]

See!! i knew there was something fishy about this Portugese man of War... You've been discovered , you no good pretender. Now spill .





Damn, some people just dont know when to stop ... sigh.

[Five7Jaan]

buddy, for your information, "Portuguese Man-of-war" is a sea creature - a kind of jelly fish with a rather painful sting.

its nothing to do with aborigines or the Portuguese.

Funny stuff! CtrlAltDel! Where did you come up with this stuff? I mean, I know useless knowledge and facts but not to this extent!



-Five7Jaan

[Portuguese Man-Of-War]

I am a 100% original, aboriginal Portuguese Man-Of-War.

buddy, for your information, "Portuguese Man-of-war" is a sea creature - a kind of jelly fish with a rather painful sting.

its nothing to do with aborigines or the Portuguese.

Ah, so my little secret is out. I really oughta sting you.



I first read about the Portuguese Man-Of-War in Tinkle when I was a kid ("Meet The Portuguese Man-Of-War"). Ever since, I wanted to be one. But unlike the rest of mankind, I did not stop with just wanting to be one. I started working hard for it.



I launched severe penances to propitiate the Lord. In the first 2 months, I lived only on herbs and wild berry. In the 3rd month, I moved to living just on water. In the 4th, I lived only on air. In the 5th and 6th, I stopped even breathing and concentrated on Him. Finally the Lord gave up and appeared in front of me. I told him what I wanted, and He said yeah, yeah, He knew. He told me that He'll make me king of the entire planet instead, but I stuck to my guns. Then He upped it to king of all the three worlds, but I still did not yield. Then He went for the ultimate and said He'll make me a star. I still said no. Then He sat down resignedly and, wringing His hands in helplessness, said that it was simply not done. "I mean," He said, "look at how the tale will read! I converted a devotee who worked so hard to reach me into a ...a jellyfish? Sheesh, that's what happens if you upset some rishi's penance!"



I persisted, but the Lord politely turned down my request saying something about precedents, under-evolved choices, how it was so much more simple with the other kid, and how He missed the good old days. He told me to get in touch with Him whenever I changed my mind, and vanished.



Deeply disappointed, I then turned to the one that grants ALL requests - Gumba Golgumba (Lord Of The Dark World). It's been less than 3 months now, and I already have 36 tentacles. I am told I'm the highest performer yet, but I have a long way to go still, and am not letting all the praise get into my head.



For all you aspiring Portuguese Men-Of-War out there, I have this message: Yes, it's possible. You have to trust in Gumba Golgumba (Lord Of The Dark World), and take that first step. Best of luck!

[CtrlAltDel]

Funny stuff! CtrlAltDel! Where did you come up with this stuff? I mean, I know useless knowledge and facts but not to this extent! -Five7Jaan

oh cummon 'Jaan...its GENERAL knowledge...speaks volumes about my IQ...marks me as a potential member of Mensa...Dimaag par excellence...shows my ability to become the next US prez...and so on!

I first read about the Portuguese Man-Of-War in Tinkle when I was a kid ("Meet The Portuguese Man-Of-War").

same here! even i had that issue of Tinkle u r talking abt! but one difference...i wasnt obsessed by that creature!



I instead prefer to drop its name to prove my high IQ...as a potential member of Mensa...my Dimaag par excellence...my ability to become the next US prez...and so on!

[mysterious babe]

Some facts about men (just pasting them)



1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in

diapers.



2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You

shut the door.



3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able

to put them all up

there.



4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.



5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they

never mature anyway.



6. Men are all the same - they just have different

faces, so that you can

tell them apart.



7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the

opportunity to make

some woman miserable.



8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are

the do-it-yourself

types.



9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest

he is too old for it.



10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.



11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental

hospital.



12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert

for 40 years. Even in

Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.



13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested

in, tell him checkbooks.



14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you

tell him jokes, it

means that you laugh at his.



15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

[mysterious babe]

i think this is soemthing the guys will like



THINGS YOU WON'T HEAR

EVER YOUR WIFE OR

GIRLFRIEND SAY....



1. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?

2. Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your

buddies?

3. I've decided to stop wearing clothes

around the house.

4. You're so sexy when you're hungover.

5. I'd rather watch football and drink beer

with you than go shopping.

6. Let's subscribe to Hustler.

7. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can

check out women's asses.

8. I'll be out painting the house.

9. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's,

I just wish you had time to play on Saturday

too.

10. Honey..our new neighbor's daughter is

sunbathing again, come see!

11. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil

changed.

12. Your mother is way better than mine.

13. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's

day thing and buy yourself new clubs.

14. I understand fully...our anniversary comes

every year, for Christ's sake; you go hunting

with the guys; it's a wonderful stress reliever.

15. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good

porno movie, a rack of beer, and have my

friend Tammy over for a threesome!

16. Christ, not the damn mall again, come on

let's go to that new strip joint!

17. Listen, I make enough money for the both

of us, why don't you retire and get that

nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.

18. You need your sleep, ya big silly, now stop

getting up for the night feedings.

[ZC]

Whoa, wait a sec here!
Asli hon, you were asked a reaction [as in a generic answer] not a lecture and counter point to all the 50 Rules list! Oy! Since you have too much time on your hands, maybe you need to try a hand at politics, you have great argumentative skills. Lol.

Did u write the 50 points urself? or was it a CCP..plz site source in that case.......... dont say, THAT!! its universal guys, whatever u ask....the answer is THAT...always, from a blonde, from a chink, from a desi, from a hisp, from an african....all females say......THAT!!

[rock_26iin]

This is a CCP job



Oil Changing Instructions for Women:



1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.



2) Drink a cup of coffee.



3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.



Money spent: $20.00 for oil change

$1.00 for coffee

Total = $21.00





Oil Changing Instructions for Men:



1) Go to O' Reillys auto parts and write a check for $50.00for oil, filter, kitty Litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.



2) Discover that the used oil container is full.Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle,dump in hole in back yard.



3) Open a beer and drink it.



4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.



5) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.



6) Place drain pan under engine.



7) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.



Give up and use crescent wrench.



9) Unscrew drain plug.



10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil:get hot oil on you in process.



11) Clean up mess.



12) Have another beer while watching oil drain.



13) Look for oil filter wrench.



14) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.



15) Beer.



16) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.



17) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.



18) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.



19) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.



20) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.



21) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.



22) Remember drain plug from step 11.



23) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.



24) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.



25) Drink beer.



26) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.



27) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.



28) Drink beer.



29) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.



30) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.



31) Begin cussing fit.



32) Throw wrench.



33) Beer.



34) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.



35) Beer.



36) Beer.



37) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.



38) Beer.



39) Lower car from jack stands.



40) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.



41) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.



42) Beer.



43) Test drive car.



44) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.



47) Car gets impounded.



45) Make bail: Get car from impound yard.



Money spent:

$50.00 parts

$25.00 beer

$75.00 replacement set of jack stands

$1,000.00 Bail

$200.00 Impound and towing fee Total = $1350.00

[ZC]

29. If you must pass wind in bed, there's no need to flap the duvet afterwards. And passing wind when getting a blow job ruins future opportunities.

this makes me ask, r u married? if yes, sweet dreams and Happy Married Life if no, then u may want to ask the groom if he has wind trouble

[CtrlAltDel]

THINGS YOU WON'T HEAR EVER YOUR WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND SAY....

1. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
2. Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your
buddies?
3. I've decided to stop wearing clothes
around the house.
4. You're so sexy when you're hungover.
5. I'd rather watch football and drink beer
with you than go shopping.
6. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
7. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can
check out women's asses.
8. I'll be out painting the house.
9. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's,
I just wish you had time to play on Saturday
too.
10. Honey..our new neighbor's daughter is
sunbathing again, come see!
11. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil
changed.
12. Your mother is way better than mine.
13. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's
day thing and buy yourself new clubs.
14. I understand fully...our anniversary comes
every year, for Christ's sake; you go hunting
with the guys; it's a wonderful stress reliever.
15. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good
porno movie, a rack of beer, and have my
friend Tammy over for a threesome!
16. Christ, not the damn mall again, come on
let's go to that new strip joint!
17. Listen, I make enough money for the both
of us, why don't you retire and get that
nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
18. You need your sleep, ya big silly, now stop
getting up for the night feedings.

there are few more to be added to the list:



19. this Shahrukh movie's sick, lets watch an action movie instead.

20. its 'those days of the month' again for me...shall i call my friend over to give u company...?

21. wooohoooo...! thats what i call a fart! can u do it again???

22. check out that sales girl's tits/ass...!

[Five7Jaan]

this makes me ask, r u married? Did u write the 50 points urself? u have plenty of time on hand i guess

No, like I have said, its cut and paste I got.

No, I am single and unmarried.



-Five7Jaan

[Portuguese Man-Of-War]

No, I am single and unmarried.
-Five7Jaan

Okay, what's the difference? And pardon me if I am completely ignorant of this relationship jargon !



BTW, Five7Jaan, I think your taste in books (that favorite authors board) is pretty evolved - considering I haven't heard almost half the names you posted .

[asli_badmash]

No, I am single and unmarried.
-Five7Jaan

Okay, what's the difference? And pardon me if I am completely ignorant of this relationship jargon !

Thats means she is single, looking[??] and available[??].... What else.

BTW, Five7Jaan, I think your taste in books (that favorite authors board) is pretty evolved - considering I haven't heard almost half the names you posted .

(Badmash witnessing a LINE comments in hyderabadi: ) Aree.. Yeh kiski LINE hai bhai.... Kya yahan pe koi line maar raha hai kya.... Kyon kya ho raha hai... bhai... Hehehehehe!

[SpyGlass]

Awww PMoW lemme help you ....

lets see if i've got this right . i think :

Single = no boyfriend

Ummarried = no husband either .

Now is that right Five7Jaan ?



Looking at how clueless & frustrated (atleast some of them are) the men on this board are sounding ...i'm taking pity. Here are some words of advice i'm dishing out for FREE .

this comes bulleted too ->



1) Treat women like your queens, they'll live like ur slaves.

2) Take care of them, they'll pamper you infinitely.

3) Shopping gives women a sense of control, just like playing video games does to you.

4) Expression is a birth right. expression ic power. expression is existence....SO TALK!

5)God's gifted you with 5 senses. Atleast, learn to use those preperly ...then mebbe we'll talk about 6th.



Its OK guys, u dont really have to thank me .

[Five7Jaan]

Asli, you need a spanking! [and before you can twist my words again, no not THAT kind either! Snap out of it!] Hai Ram, mein kya karun? So much attention for moi.



Portugal, Single means no boyfriend. Unmarried means never been married. Basically, No attachments.

BTW, thank you, I do take pride in my literary achievements. So many books, so little time.



SpyGlass, I am sure the guys think it would be embarassing, since you have spelled it out for them like kindergarten school so Thank You.





-Five7Jaan

[ZC]

No, like I have said, its cut and paste I got.

-Five7Jaan

u got it from THERE i guess

[asli_badmash]

Asli, you need a spanking! [and before you can twist my words again, no not THAT kind either! Snap out of it!] Hai Ram, mein kya karun? So much attention for moi.

I am ready for any kind of spanking. I didnt know you were into S&M. Kinky! While you are at it... maybe you can bring you whips and chains too. Hehehehehe! ( Alright lets drop it now.. I think its getting weird! )

Looking at how clueless & frustrated (atleast some of them are) the men on this board are sounding ...i'm taking pity. Here are some words of advice i'm dishing out for FREE .

Clueless and frustrated??? you are right. It looks like women want to have relationship with a man who behaves like a woman. You know how frustrating it can be for a man to behave like a woman overnight. You are right, we are are clueless here. What else can we be...



Lets make it fair... 57J and SpyGlass :



1. Treat Men like Kings and they will treat you like queens.



2. Men dont need pampering... They need your understanding and acceptance, love them for who they are, not what you made out of them.



3. Can we play video games while we shop with you, and please dont ask us the shades of pink, we only know one pink and everything looks great on you. Just buy it!



4. Too much of your expression is what drives men nuts. We dont need to know our neighbour has a boil on his ass, unnecessary detail. We will communicate if we think our input is important. I mean how ridiculous is the boil on the ass discussion, what can we add.. maybe "Really, he has a boil on his ass, how big is it and where is it.. Can I see it. Does it talk..." Hahahahaha!



5. Burping, farting, scratching, slurping, snoring are the five senses GOD made men good at and we know how to use them. We dont need your sixth... Thank you.



SpyGlass, some of the points were interesting!



~Badmash~

[ZC]

this topic is turning out into something like VRINDAS, "HYD guys are *** ***** ******" what do u say old fullhyd.com members

[Portuguese Man-Of-War]

(Badmash witnessing a LINE comments in hyderabadi: ) Aree.. Yeh kiski LINE hai bhai.... Kya yahan pe koi line maar raha hai kya.... Kyon kya ho raha hai... bhai... Hehehehehe!

Awww, Asli, that's hardly line maaroing - that's what losers do. When I am interested in a girl but don't know her, I first go in front of her and stand completely still in an upright army-like stance, looking her straight in the eye. Then I slowly start lifting my right hand (elbow straight, fist clenched) towards her until it is parallel to the ground. Then I start lifting my left hand similarly, but towards the side this time. Then, continuing to look her straight in the eye, I let my lower jaw drop slowly, to the maximum that it will go. Then I slowly tilt my head up, until as far as it will go. Then I start screaming at the top of my voice. First I let out three solid hoots, and then I take a deep breath and let out one slow never-ending howl (45 seconds is good, my record is 63). Then I collapse to the ground and sit in a doggy-like position and start yelping and thumping the floor at the same time, again looking her in the eye (the yelps and the thumps should be in sync for best results - 5 yelps per 3 thumps). Then I spread my legs away from each other completely like a gymnast (make sure you're wearing a supporter or at least tight underwear while doing this, else you'll need surgery), spit into the air above me, and start clapping in joy.



The results vary from person to person, but it works. If you are doing this in a public place, you have to make sure there are no telephones close by, since some people might want to call some other people who'll come in jeeps. Otherwise, there are no problems.



Try this out with a girl you really want to impress, and tell me if it doesn't work.

[azazel]

[Prince]

PMoW,



You forgot to mention that you should be in PMoW native dress while doing all this

[ZC]

[mysterious girl]

when five7jaan says she is single and unmarried its as simple as it sounds. she has never been married b4 and is having a great tiem being single. If any of u think u r smart enuf u can go ahead to impress her.Portuguese man of was the next tiem u have to do such a thing please do let us know. i have never seen such kind of action b4. I m sure u must have not tried this in a public place varna aju baju ke log tumko pagal samjh kar tumko pithe (marte)

[CtrlAltDel]

when five7jaan says she is single and unmarried its as simple as it sounds. she has never been married b4 and is having a great tiem being single. If any of u think u r smart enuf u can go ahead to impress her.Portuguese man of was the next tiem u have to do such a thing please do let us know. i have never seen such kind of action b4. I m sure u must have not tried this in a public place varna aju baju ke log tumko pagal samjh kar tumko pithe (marte)

hey...let 'Jaan enjoy her life happily without being bothered by weirdos...!



A girl being single is NOT an invitation to every hot-blooded, drooling male in town. it just means she's too intelligent n level headed to fall into doubtful relationships.



btw, PMoW, where do u come up with this stuff....