Pomp and Show Weddings(Are they worth it?)

[hina]

Recently I\'ve seen the money being spent in weddings. To start with the engagement ceremony which used to be just a simple family affair has now become similar to the wedding itself.A marriage hall is now getting rented which includes the dinner,the bride has to go to the parlor to get dressed.Most recently What I have noticed is that the weddings are now taking place in big name brand hotels where everything is catered,charging lakhs of rupees for just one day.Thousands of rupees are spent on flower decoration.I mean for a simple wedding to take place its costing lakhs of rupees,that which only the rich can afford.What a waste of the hard earned money.Being here in the U.S. working hard for every dollar I\'ve realised that its all a waste.The total amount you endup spending can help three or four poor girl\'s get married,but no one seems to realise that.When I try to talk to some of my friends about this they think I\'m old fashioned and that things have changed .But if you want really enjoy in a wedding you don\'t have to spend lakhs to do it which is a total waste.Please comment.

[Shadaab]

You are right Hina...just the other day my cousin got engaged and i was wondering how things have changed. Earlier the rasam ceremony used to be a small household affair. But the \"dulhawala\'s\" were very specific that they wanted a elaborate ceremony and a feast for 100 people...tell me how shallow can one get?!!

[Ali]

This matter has been under discussion since many many years. But the more people question the high expenses in marriages, the problem is getting worse. For sure it a waste of money and its not worth at all. The problem needs to be tackled at social level. It should be started by the rich families who can afford to spend, but openly denouncing that extranvagant marriages are a waste. Only then it will become fashionable to have simple ceremonies.

[Indira]

Society demands and the elders (girl\'s parents) succumb? Hina, now-a-days both the parties feel that if a few lacks are spent on a marriage then Shaan and respect will increase in the society. And the marriage happens once and they don\'t mind spending money. How much did your parents spend on your marriage:) Just kidding, don\'t get offended!

[Hina]

So the point is Hi Indira, just to answer your question,by the way I\'m not offended.We were a family of 5 .4 kids and two adults.My father was the only earning member .He gave us the best of education that he could afford,we all went to private catholic schools.My mother was a housewife who had saved for our weddings since our childhood.When I got married my parents gave me the best that they could at that time and my husband said he did\'nt want anything from my side.My in-laws made that very clear.I respect my husband for that and also my in-laws.Marriage is a once in a life time thing and in my wedding I had relatives coming in from far away places.It was\'nt the question of pomp and show but they were all there.I still remember how they helped each other,my best friends put mehndi for me and my aunts did the make up(no Parlor for me)Now a days you are not welcome in those big Banjara hill mansions because they are afraid that the house will get dirty and then who\'s going to cook ? They might as well go the parlor and have a complete makeover.So the basic point of the argument is you can do things in a simple way and enjoy or try to show off the whole world how much you have ,which by the way people don\'t care .once they are done with the party they will go out and say \"Itna paisa aaya kahaan say,Karta hoonga koi aisa waisa kaam,haraam ki kamaai lutaraa\"

[vibhuti sharma]

after i got married , i came to know from my husband that he was not interested in such grand marriages.he had to put in his money (not father\'s money) and from my side my father was a govt servant. Inspite of having the same opinion , we cud not convey it to each other and save the money for us.

[vidya]

marriage is an event where the parents not only lose their life time savings , they also have to kill their self-respect , they have to go thru a mental agony , they have to bear the seperation with their daughter , they have to get prepared to listen to dulha\'s never-ending demands till their last breath , and they have to bear so many other things. they gradually become stone-hearted and indifferent to everything that goes on around them.they have lost not only MONEY but also something more which is required for a peaceful living.marriage is surely the most expensive punishment to the parents.

[khan sahib]

Bravo hina...at least one hyderabadi has guts to pin point on this ugly practice which the so called Nawabs (euphemism for good for nothing) feel proud to observe when ever they get a chance. Whats the point in spending so extravagently only for one nights function....what\'s the use for the moment guests leaves they forget about the affair. Serving 10s of dishes in the name of hyderabadi culture which one at times cannot even eat. And more ever don\'t these Nawab sahibs realises that there are poeple in this country who don\'t even eat before sleeping. How do these Nawab sahibs forget that the religion they follow i.e. Islam encourages modesty and prohibits spending lavishly and flaunting wealth. Did Prophet(pbuh) ever spend like this...? Can any of the Nawabs challenge this argument of mine.

[Susti-bari-Masti]

The remedy for all this is simply put - Love marriages. Meet a girl/guy, date and give your folks the option-they can perform your marriage or attend it and bless you. I know for most of us this is easier said and done..but this is the only way this circus of arranged marriage can be totally abolished. The mockery of inviting zillion guests either forced to or self-willing will end and a nation where pre-marital sex is taboo (yet which is racing towards the distinction of becoming the most populous country) will finally shed its inhibitions, break derlict traditions and embrace the rest of the developed world..

--Susti-bari-Masti

[S H]

Its all nice to read and talk.
We all spend in marriages and tell people that we did\'nt wanted it but had to bend to the circumstances and keep everybody happy on the occassion - HYPOCRACY.

Practice and demonstrate it is possible - then the trend follows.
Look back and see how we got into this practice and we should try to roll it back in the same way. It cannot be done through messages and debates. PRACTICE AND DEMONSTRATE.

[S H]

Shadaab,

If you felt it was not right what did u do to correct the scene. I think people would be more interested in finding solutions rather than hearing another story of the same problem.

We all know it is bad and it has to chage ... but what should we do other than talking and sharing stories.

[Ali]

I gave a solution earlier (see top), which I am repeating again.
The problem needs to be tackled at social level. It should be started by the rich families who can afford to spend, but openly denouncing that extravagant marriages and are a waste. Only then it will become fashionable to have simple ceremonies. More solutions please ...

[SH]

why rich families alone - why can\'t every one. Are the rich families doing this alone????
Rich or no rich, it is about determination - it can be at any level.