Muslim Marriage Restriction Explained?

[bT]

Few weeks back I read couple of articles and just wanted to post something here... but don't go about thinking I am one sided because some of my cousin's married gora's and gories so just know that it's more of a information than argument... but do read if you are in a multi-religion relationship



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http://www.islamway.com/sisters/modules ... le&sid=230

Translated By: IslamWay Sisters Team



More than 500 women attended the Swiss Muslim woman conference in Newchatle, Switzerland. The conference addressed some very interesting lectures, one of which was called “understanding psychologies”, another one called “ how did prophet Mohamed Salla Allah Allih Wa Salam handle his marital problems”.



And the conference was concluded with “Round Table”, a special session for discussing the problems facing Muslim families in Switzerland, France, and Italy. Among the attendances, there were Muslim women of Arabic origin, European origin, and new converts.



......



After that we started discussing these problems through lectures, and side discussions. In this article, I discuss only one issue, that is, why doesn’t Islam treat man, and woman evenly? Islam forbids a Muslim woman from marrying a non-Muslim man, and allows a Muslim man to marry a Christian or a Jewish woman.



During the conversation, I started by explaining that the main principle in Islam is the equality in belief between the husband and his wife. This equality and consistency help in making their marriage successful.



Allowing a Muslim man to marry a Christian or a Jewish woman, is an exceptional rule applied under special circumstances. And when a Muslim man marries a Christian or a Jewish woman, there is no problem, because he believes in all prophets, and all holy books. There will be no problem between him and his wife in this matter, especially that his religion -Islam- commands him to be fair with his wife even if she were Christian or Jewish. And any Muslim man going through such marriage should have strong belief in his faith, and should strongly abide by his religion.



The reason for forbidding a Muslim woman from marrying a non-Muslim, is that a Christian or a Jewish man believes only in his prophet, and doesn’t believe in prophet Mohamed Salla Allah Allih Wa Salam or any of the other prophets (blessing be upon them).



For example, when this Muslim woman, tries to teach her kids to love and respect all prophets and believe in all of them, her non-Muslim husband will not agree, because he believes only in his prophet. He will interfere in the way she raises her kids, and prevents her from raising them in an Islamic way. And here comes the real problem, because she will have only two options, whether she leaves the whole thing as it is, and does nothing about it -which will be an insult to her religion- or she argues about the matter, and this will sure lead to more marital problems.



On the other hand, there will be no such problems between a Muslim husband, and a non Muslim wife, because if this wife tried to teach her kids to love and believe in her prophet, her Muslim husband will not refuse that because he already believes in her prophet and all prophets. This is why Islam allows the marriage between Muslim man and non-Muslim woman, and forbids the marriage between Muslim woman, and non-Muslim man. Because Islam respects the marital relationship and wants to guarantee its stability, not because it respects men, and disrespects women …



Discussing these issues with the westerners is so important, so that they get to know Islam better, and understand the logic behind social rules, and issues.



One of the nice stories mentioned in the conference, was a story of a Muslim girl when her school was celebrating Christmas. She was blamed for not celebrating her prophet’s birthday as they do. Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala inspired her with a very smart answer. She said to her teachers and her friends, “you believe only in one prophet, but we Muslims, respect and believe in all prophets. If we tried to celebrate all the prophets’ birthdays then everyday of the year would be a feast for us.” They were all astounded by her brilliant answer.



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Q. I am wondering if you will be able to give me some advice on a problem of mine. I live in the United States and I have many friends that are Christians. Some of these friends are male. Recently, my feelings for a male friend have grown deeper. I feel I am falling in love with him. It is at the point where I want to marry him, since he also has feelings for me. However, I do not want to commit anything that is against Islam. Why is it okay for men to marry Christian women yet Muslim women not to marry Christian men? That is what my parents have told me. I don't know what to do. Can you please give me some assistance? (Neena)



A. You should not have taken Muslim or non-Muslim males as your friends. The Qur'an and Sunnah have given us rules about relations between men and women. There are two types of people: Mahram and non-Mahram. Mahram are those relatives between whom marriage is not allowed. Non-Mahram are those among whom marriage is permissible. (See Al-Nisa' 4:23) Muslim men and women can socialize among the Mahrams, but not among the non-Mahrams. When men and women are in the presence of non-Mahrams then they must lower their gaze (Al-Noor 24:30-31), talk to them in a formal manner (al-Ahzab 33:32). Hence it is clear that Islam does not allow Muslims to have friends from the opposite gender. Males should not have female friends and females should not have male friends. Non-Mahram males and females may talk to each other, but should not socialize or go out in parties. A single male and female should never be together in a place where they are all alone, isolated without the access of any one else. Islam has given these rules to save the men and women from committing sin or getting involved in situations where they might commit sin.



As far as the interfaith marriages are concerned, Islam does not encourage them. The general rule of Islam is that Muslims should marry Muslims. A Muslim male or female should not marry a non-Muslim male or female. (al-Baqarah 2:221). The only exception is given to Muslim men who are allowed to marry the girls from among the People of the Book (al-Ma'idah 5:5), but Muslim women are not given this permission. So it is Haram (forbidden) for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man. This is the law of Allah and a Muslim when he or she learns about a law of Allah and His Messenger should only say, "I hear and I obey."



For the satisfaction of your heart, let me explain why Muslim men are allowed to marry women from among the People of the Book and why Muslim women are not allowed to do so. First of all, it is not an honor or a privilege to marry a non-Muslim. It is a burden and a big responsibility. It is better to abstain from such marriages. Muslim men who are living in non-Muslim countries in particular should not marry non-Muslim women. However, man being the head of his household is more capable to handle the needs and problems of his non-Muslim (Christian or Jewish) wife. Muslims believe that Moses and Jesus were prophets of Allah and so they give them full honor and respect. Jews and Christians do not consider Prophet Muhammad as the prophet of Allah. Thus they are unable to give the same respect and honor to him and to his followers. A Jewish or Christian woman with a Muslim husband will be in a much better position than a Muslim woman with a Jewish or Christian husband will. Even then, there are many non-Muslim women who married outside their faith say that they wish their religion too had forbidden them, because they know how difficult and hard it is to be the wife of a husband who has a different faith.



A Muslim woman should know that Allah has really honored her and made it easy for her by not allowing her to marry a non-Muslim man. According to the Qur'an, the husband is the head of his household, his wife should obey him. Allah does not to put the Muslim woman in a position that a non-Muslim become her head in her own private life. Allah has spared her from being under the authority of a non-Muslim husband.



Please abandon the idea of marrying a non-Muslim, unless he truly accepts Islam. If you marry a non-Muslim, this will be a major sin. You will be living in sin and your relationship with that non-Muslim will be illegitimate in the eyes of Allah. May Allah protect you from all sins.



Answer by Dr. Muzammil H. Siddiqi. Reprinted with permission of Dr. Muzammil Siddiqi.

[smack]

Thanks for the info

[akshay]

The premise for muslim men being allowed and muslim women not being allowed to marry non-muslims appears to be the superiority of man over woman in convincing his/her spouse by force or word.



This premise is amusingly archaic in current world.

[Mayavi Morpheus]

LMAO...

[CtrlAltDel]

well...my sister in law and her family have committed a grave sin.



she converted frm islam to hinduism when she married my brother and that too with the blessings of her parents!

[bT]

The premise for muslim men being allowed and muslim women not being allowed to marry non-muslims appears to be the superiority of man over woman in convincing his/her spouse by force or word.

This premise is amusingly archaic in current world.

looks like you didn't even bother to read...



their is no right given to muslim men to marry non-muslim... the muslim men cannot marry a non muslim untill the girl accepts islam or the guy him self choses the religion of his soon to be spouse.



and Quran talks about chaste women... now i don't know about other parts of the world but here in usa i it's hard to find non-muslim girl who is chaste basically it means some one who did not have sexual relationships before with others...



some times I feel like laughing at guys who try to validate their action by quoting Quran and the min you ask them if she is chaste they will have no answer....

[bT]

well...my sister in law and her family have committed a grave sin.

she converted frm islam to hinduism when she married my brother and that too with the blessings of her parents!

As per as Islam goes she did attach other god beside Allah so that puts her out of Islamic boundires and it does pretains to be a major sin as the foundation of Islam is to believe in one god "Allah"....



but as per as what many muslim scholars say, is that either the person needs to stay muslim and request the spouse to become muslim or he/she chose the religion of their spouse... as marring a non-muslim will already contradict to their islamic foundation ... and trying to show case them self as muslim is more to please society or parents rather than Allah...

[Akshay]

The premise for muslim men being allowed and muslim women not being allowed to marry non-muslims appears to be the superiority of man over woman in convincing his/her spouse by force or word.

This premise is amusingly archaic in current world.

looks like you didn't even bother to read...

I dont know what ticked you off. Was it the wrong premise I pointed out or was it the amusing nature of it? Thanks for your kind reminder anyhow.

their is no right given to muslim men to marry non-muslim... the muslim men cannot marry a non muslim untill the girl accepts islam or the guy him self choses the religion of his soon to be spouse.

Following are your quotes from your first post on this thread, all I see mentioned are muslim and non-muslim marriages and no mention of pre nuptial faith conversion:

Islam forbids a Muslim woman from marrying a non-Muslim man, and allows a Muslim man to marry a Christian or a Jewish woman.
...
...
And when a Muslim man marries a Christian or a Jewish woman, there is no problem, because he believes in all prophets, and all holy books. There will be no problem between him and his wife in this matter, especially that his religion -Islam- commands him to be fair with his wife even if she were Christian or Jewish.
...
...
The reason for forbidding a Muslim woman from marrying a non-Muslim...
...
...
On the other hand, there will be no such problems between a Muslim husband, and a non Muslim wife...
...
...

Following are quotes from same post but may or may not be your own, once again i dont see any mention of pre nuptial faith conversion:

You should not have taken Muslim or non-Muslim males as your friends...
...
...
The only exception is given to Muslim men who are allowed to marry the girls from among the People of the Book (al-Ma'idah 5:5), but Muslim women are not given this permission....
...
...
However, man being the head of his household is more capable to handle the needs and problems of his non-Muslim (Christian or Jewish) wife...
...
...
A Muslim woman should know that Allah has really honored her and made it easy for her by not allowing her to marry a non-Muslim man. According to the Qur'an, the husband is the head of his household, his wife should obey him. Allah does not to put the Muslim woman in a position that a non-Muslim become her head in her own private life. Allah has spared her from being under the authority of a non-Muslim husband.
...
...

and Quran talks about chaste women... now i don't know about other parts of the world but here in usa i it's hard to find non-muslim girl who is chaste basically it means some one who did not have sexual relationships before with others...

Doesn't islam allow a divorced/widowed lady to marry again? Are such women chaste for the second husband? Is chastity defined as sex outside marriage and not necessarily virginity? Why is chastity not a requirement for muslim men to practice? Why are you casting all non-muslim girls as unchaste. Unfortunately there are a lot of questions you never care to ask yourself.

some times I feel like laughing at guys who try to validate their action by quoting Quran and the min you ask them if she is chaste they will have no answer....

Please laugh, it is good for health. What do you mean by chastity when you ask this question? No erotic reading? No porn? No erotic thoughts? No vicarious indulgence? No movie watching? no masturbations? no visual contact with mahram? no incestuous indulgence with non-mahram? No touch? No kiss? No sexual penetration? Penetration but no discharge? discharge but no pregnancy? pregnancy but no delivery? delivery but infanticide? All these but only in previous marriage? All these but only in previous marriage to another true muslim?



Man, you got to understand the meanings of words you use in your questions. Using vague ideas to fetter peoples lives can lead nowhere but downhill.

[bT]

I dont know what ticked you off. Was it the wrong premise I pointed out or was it the amusing nature of it? Thanks for your kind reminder anyhow.

nothing ticked me off I rather appreciate your responses....

Following are your quotes from your first post on this thread, all I see mentioned are muslim and non-muslim marriages and no mention of pre nuptial faith conversion:

I don't think their can be a pre-nup on faith it has to be free will.

Following are quotes from same post but may or may not be your own, once again i dont see any mention of pre nuptial faith conversion:

my previous answer applies here again... basically faith cannot be altered just like many hindu's believe that one cannot convert into hinduism back ones they leave the religion...

Doesn't islam allow a divorced/widowed lady to marry again? Are such women chaste for the second husband? Is chastity defined as sex outside marriage and not necessarily virginity? Why is chastity not a requirement for muslim men to practice? Why are you casting all non-muslim girls as unchaste. Unfortunately there are a lot of questions you never care to ask yourself.

I am not casting out i specifically said "usa" and i said "hard to find"... nor I said their are non...

for widows/divored girls or ladies their is no virginity issue in islam... but chaste means is no out of marriage sexual relationship... muslim openly marry a divorce/widow and Islam teaches that the new husband has no right to question the girl of her previous marriage dealings except that he knows she was previously married... as per as guys, it applies the same. I don't know why you feel it's not the same rule for guys?

Please laugh, it is good for health. What do you mean by chastity when you ask this question? No erotic reading? No porn? No erotic thoughts? No vicarious indulgence? No movie watching? no masturbations? no visual contact with mahram? no incestuous indulgence with non-mahram? No touch? No kiss? No sexual penetration? Penetration but no discharge? discharge but no pregnancy? pregnancy but no delivery? delivery but infanticide? All these but only in previous marriage? All these but only in previous marriage to another true muslim?

Man, you got to understand the meanings of words you use in your questions. Using vague ideas to fetter peoples lives can lead nowhere but downhill.

check my reply before this quote... I don't think i am using vague ideas but rather trying to stir the misconception regarding many peoples understanding regarding the status of muslim men and muslim women with in Islam...

[Mayavi Morpheus]

LMAO...

LMAO

Now dont think that I am crazy, the reason I was lmao was this:

her Muslim husband will not refuse that because he already believes in her prophet and all prophets.

Then this

... the muslim men cannot marry a non muslim untill the girl accepts islam or the guy him self choses the religion of his soon to be spouse.

basically, the man respects all prophets but she still has to convert

and Quran talks about chaste women... now i don't know about other parts of the world but here in usa i it's hard to find non-muslim girl who is chaste basically it means some one who did not have sexual relationships before with others...

Yes, all muslim women are chaste and all non-muslim women are whores...

^^ one of the many reasons why there is so much friction between muslims and the west today. The west terms it as lack of integration. You wont find a single muslim, settled in western countries, who respects the west for what it is and at the same time expects/demands the west to respect every aspect of islamic way of life.

[Akshay]

nothing ticked me off I rather appreciate your responses....

Thanks and welcome.

I don't think their can be a pre-nup on faith it has to be free will.

my previous answer applies here again... basically faith cannot be altered just like many hindu's believe that one cannot convert into hinduism back ones they leave the religion...

if faith cannot be altered then how do you explain a muslim man marrying a non-muslim woman whose faith cannot be altered.

I am not casting out i specifically said "usa" and i said "hard to find"... nor I said their are non...

ok I admit I extrapolated your quantum. But either way I disagree that you can categoriaclly charectarise a majority of the women in USA as some kind of "unchaste". I am not sure what kind you met if you did but most girls in usa choose their own direction in their life, some make "mistakes" some dont.

but chaste means is no out of marriage sexual relationship

Cool. Now, how do you interpret sexual relation? Most of my questions about chastity are valid for sexual relation too.

I don't know why you feel it's not the same rule for guys?

Thanks for one more clarification. It would have helped me if you had explicitly quoted from Koran that the same is required of man; just as you explicitly quoted from the same koran what is required of a woman.

I don't think i am using vague ideas but rather trying to stir the misconception regarding many peoples understanding regarding the status of muslim men and muslim women with in Islam...

I grant I along with others have a lot of misconceptions and I appreciate your attempts to quell them. Thanks for that. By the way, welcome to fullHyd.

[bT]

basically, the man respects all prophets but she still has to convert

one does need to either except Islam or leave islam... as per as your quotes the examples are more of diffrences in chirstian/jews and hindu believe I don't think hindu's believe in muslim prophet so for that the second message applies...

Yes, all muslim women are chaste and all non-muslim women are whores...
^^ one of the many reasons why there is so much friction between muslims and the west today. The west terms it as lack of integration. You wont find a single muslim, settled in western countries, who respects the west for what it is and at the same time expects/demands the west to respect every aspect of islamic way of life.

you are being sarcastic here... man I never implied that about non-muslim women... ahhhhh single muslim settled in western countries??? you will be suprised to know how muslims are integraded in usa. their are about 7 million muslims in usa and those are from all over the world not just india or pakistan... and census is from U.S government data freely accesible...

[Mayavi Morpheus]

you are being sarcastic here... man I never implied that about non-muslim women....

Well, thats exactly how it read.

[bT]

thanks for the welcome...



about the faith cannot be altered... i mean to say you cannot pick an chose faith as you please and that's what i mean by faith cannot be altered ... it's not about conversion... I am no english profesor to please bare with me with my words I don't mean to offend anyone...



as per as same rights point. its written in Quran that



http://www.islamicity.com/mosque/QURAN/2.htm

228. Divorced women shall wait concerning themselves for three monthly periods. Nor is it lawful for them to hide what Allah Hath created in their wombs, if they have faith in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation. And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise.



as many usually translate to "Women have similar rights over men as men have over women" (2 : 228).



Quran tries to place the example as simple as possible but ppl make it so complex by going to extreem saying women have no power and men have all the power where it clearly states men have some degree of advantage or women.... I think the problem lies in education of some muslims or it more of a cultural issue rather than what Islam teaches...



I just copied one of the instance where a divorced women is being explained what her rights are and what she needs to do...

[Akshay]

I am no english profesor to please bare with me with my words I don't mean to offend anyone...

I am not offended and it is not my intention to pester you with precise definitions. For record, half the time I too have no precise definitions when I use words. My point here is that vague words like "chaste" hold different meaning to different people and it is unwise to enforce our own propriety on others.

as per as same rights point. its written in Quran that

http://www.islamicity.com/mosque/QURAN/2.htm
228. Divorced women shall wait concerning themselves for three monthly periods. Nor is it lawful for them to hide what Allah Hath created in their wombs, if they have faith in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation. And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise.

as many usually translate to "Women have similar rights over men as men have over women" (2 : 228).

Quran tries to place the example as simple as possible but ppl make it so complex by going to extreem saying women have no power and men have all the power where it clearly states men have some degree of advantage or women.... I think the problem lies in education of some muslims or it more of a cultural issue rather than what Islam teaches...

I just copied one of the instance where a divorced women is being explained what her rights are and what she needs to do...

I sincerely appreciate your effort to help us understand better. I cannot comment on what you quoted here. I will make an effort to read the material in context.

[CtrlAltDel]

...I just copied one of the instance where a divorced women is being explained what her rights are and what she needs to do...

thats ok...i am not here to debate those points. i have another question - as per islamic law, who was actually right in the Shah Bano case?



was it the supreme court, which ordered the old woman's huband to pay her 500/- per month after she was divorced? or was it the govt., under pressure from the muslim leadership, that passed a law to over turn the court's verdict.



is a divorced lady (an old lady in this case) entitled to maintenence from her ex-husband after divorce? is it unislamic to ask her husband to support her financially with a paltry amt of 500/-...?

[bT]

I am not completely aware of the shah banu case but part it confuses me and part it seem was politically motivated atleast what ever few sites I browsed after googling... it's easy to pick on one case and generelize but totally other to see what events tiger the situation...



In Islam the women has the right for payments for 3 months after divorce to support herself... but when childrens are involve the situation can be diffrent but I am not aware as I never looked up details on divorce...



what was your concern about the case of 1978?

[CtrlAltDel]

the shah bano was politically motivated alrite. but it was a sort of watershed coz, it was that single case that gave much ammo to the RSS/BJP to allege 'minoroty appeacement' and demand a Common Civil Code.



it was long running case where a woman, around 50 yrs old, was divorced and thrown to the streets. she sued for maintenence money and aftre a long run at all levels of the judiciary, the Supreme Court ruled in her favor. her ex-husband was asked to pay her about Rs.500 per month.



then all hell broke loose with islamic scholars and politicians raising slogans that islam was in danger due to judicial interference and all that. no one spoke of that poor lady. at that time, the ruling Congress (I) passed an Act in parliament over ruling the SC verdict in this case and changing the law to disallow the maintenence support for divorced muslim women.



there were many forwrd thinking ,muslim leaders like Arif Mohammad Khan who condemned the government's move as a backward step, but votebank politics prevailed.

[Hopeful HP]

I've mentioned in another thread that muslims are amazingly straitjacketed about what the Quran says. We need to understand the times in which religious texts were written and our comprehension should be very topical. For instance :



The Vedas were written during one of the most progressive periods in our history - the Indus valley civilisation. In those times, man was quite forward thinking and that shows in their all-round progress inspite of not having access to the gadgets, gizmos and all the tech innovations we have at our disposal today. Hence, they are a commentary on the science and philosophy of life rather than a set of rules.



The Bible (both the Old & the New Testament) were written in times when people were on a moral descent. Faith in the minds of people was at its lowest ebb and they were loath to stand united. Thus, the Bible is a compendium of fables and stories (the easiest way one learns) to instill better practices in humans' way of life.



The Quran was written in even more troubled times. Humankind was synonymous with barbarianism. And so, the Quran happens to be a strict set of dos and don'ts and rules.



Times are different today. And when we look at religion, we should look at it through the prism of current times. Till this happens, these debates will be endless and the strife will continue. Harmony will reign once the looking glass with which people view religion and religious texts becomes more contemporary.

[bT]

Hopeful HP, thanks for giving some insight on vedas



but it seems you have drawn pretty much the concept of nothing is right beside your religion... where as Islam teaches us to appreciate not just jesus but mosses as well as Abrahamic teachings and other prophets...



I sure agree that since the time started their were great thinkers and philosophers who's thoughts and idea's still stir up debates... but prophets are send on by god's command not what human think of is the right or wrong time...

[CtrlAltDel]

but it seems you have drawn pretty much the concept of nothing is right beside your religion.../quote]what does that mean?

...Islam teaches us to appreciate not just jesus but mosses as well as Abrahamic teachings and other prophets...

what is the position on religions other than the Abrahamic ones - hinduism, sikhism, jainism, buddhism, taoism etc etc etc etc etc...?

[Amused HP]

Hopeful HP, thanks for giving some insight on vedas

You're welcome...but I wouldn't really call that insight.

but it seems you have drawn pretty much the concept of nothing is right beside your religion...

What gave you that idea my friend?

where as Islam teaches us to appreciate not just jesus but mosses as well as Abrahamic teachings and other prophets...

The only reason I see for that is the chronology in which these religions evolved. Islam was the last among the lot, wasn't it? Hence references to everything before it. And as I've said earlier, and I request you to note the keywords "harmony", "contemporary", looking glass" etc. in my previous post, the message given by all religions is the same.

I sure agree that since the time started their were great thinkers and philosophers who's thoughts and idea's still stir up debates... but prophets are send on by god's command not what human think of is the right or wrong time...

Every soul existing in the universe is there because of God's will. And God's command is not the prerogative of a select few who have been deemed prophets by none other than us people. And that too because they were spiritually much more evolved than you or me and not because someone dreamt that they were here as some express OSD from some ministry.



And why do you need to get so defensive when I refer to the times during which Islam was evolved as troubled? That is a fact and is even corraborated by the Quran, isn't it? And the times in which a religion evolved in no way reflects on the superiority of one religion over another.