How do I make my husband fall in love with me?

by **kajal** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 11:52 am

hi all... i got married a year back.....it was arrange marriage...i like him a lot...but he????!!! I donn\'t think so....can u suggest me ways to make my husband fall in love with me.....

by **Fiddler** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 1:13 pm

Depends. If he\'s a senti, romantic guy, then all you got to do is be sweet to him. If he\'s not, then you\'ve got to play hard-to-get, so it pricks his ego that you won\'t fall at is feet all the time. I think the more you know about him, the more you\'ll be able to refine your strategy.

by **Neeraja** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 2:25 pm

Hi kajal.
 
 the best way to reach a man is by his stomach.. prepare good dishes, make him tasty food and feed him a lot.... praise him,,, hug him often... kiss him often.... dont ask question as why he is late, who is the girl you were talkin too...
 
 give him enough sex every day,, you take the initiatie to start the sex... suggest him to take you to a good movie with couple seats.. go for a weekend trip and be alone... dress in a very fashon manner, sing for me some songs if you can... invite his friends for a lunch... or high tea..
 
 I am sure he would surender to you the next minute..
 
 all the very best

by **JustaLittleUnwell** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 3:38 pm

I\'m probably wrong (hopefully not), but this doesn\'t sound like Madam Neeraja to me (the content of the post, as well as the signature - with a capital \'N\'). Is some one impersonating? If so, you must be a sad character.
 
 Kajal, I hope you wouldn\'t follow the above advise - if you do, you maybe distancing yourself further from your husband. Best of luck with your marriage.

by **Fiddler** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 4:08 pm

Hey Unwell, I actually think that the advice that neeraja (Neeraja?) offered is reasonably sound. I think I\'d pretty much fall for a woman who treats me that well

Why d\'you think it\'ll distance Kajal\'s husband from her even further?

by ZC » Mon Dec 08, 2003 4:27 pm

i agree with JLU.......and just yesterday i watched VADH !!

by **Aadi** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 4:58 pm

Hi Kajal,
 I too feel that Neeraja advice is really good. Anywayz, I would add a little more to that. I think you must be knowing abt the 5 love languages. I personally think there\'s nothing more to categorize love than this. They are
 Acts of Service, Encouraging Words, Gift-Giving, Quality Time, Physical Touch. Check out what ur husband likes in these and give it more. If u want to find out what he likes best in these, observe him what he gives out when he likes a person. Like if he likes extending his help to those in need without being offered, then it could be the act of service. my gf is always there when i need her, it means that her priority is the quality time that we spend together. so, i\'m also available when she needs me though its not my priority. appreciation gets the best out of me, so she tries to find ways to appreciate me even when is not in the mood. I think u got it.

by **Habitual Perfectionist** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 8:58 pm

Kajal....somehow I feel that generalising this problem will not solve anything. I\'m sure since you yourself love your hubby, you must be doing everything that all the previous posts have asked you to do.
 
 you\'re dealing with the human mind, which is a paradox on itself. We all call it the most complex entity on earth, but at the same time, its also one of the most easy things to understand and unravel; especially if you love the porson to whom the mind belongs.
 
 My suggestion is to try and understand what your husband is actually expecting from you and give him that. To find that out, you can use many of the \"techniques\" described above. Once you understand his pulse, it would be very easy for you to make him happy. And believe me, if you make him happy, he would definitely start loving you.
 
 I\'ve seen dedication and single-mindedness towards the objective turn things over in even the most soured relationships. And its not that a husband-wife relationship is any different from other relationships in this regard. Its all a matter of expectations and their fulfilment. I hope you get the cue and start working on it. My best wishes to you in this endevour and may God be with you.

by **fried_green** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 9:02 pm

Some people are self absorbed and you cant impress them no matter what you do.As long as he is not interested in anyone else it\'s fine.The others have given fine points on how to reach your goal,but,don\'t try too hard as it may backfire.Give it sometime and try to communicate with him a lot(if he\'s a talking type i.e).Take one step at a time and I know it is easier said than done but,hey,good luck.

by **Habitual Perfectionist** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 9:06 pm

You do make sense there....but I can\'t really help being an incorrigible optimist.

by **JustaLittleUnwell** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 9:59 pm

ZC, what\'s VADH?
 
 Fiddler, I believe that by following the advice of \'Neeraja\' (with a capital N) this lady would be reducing herself to a cheapo, which would neither be appreciated nor respected by her husband.

by **CtrlAltDel** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 10:07 pm

i dont think so buddy...i think Neeraja (with capital \'N\') is right. those things she specified would make any normal non-gay man interested.
 
 tho its no long term solution: poor kajan wud be exhausted in very soon

by **JustaLittleUnwell** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 10:35 pm

Ctrl bhai, seems like we have a difference of opinion here.
 
 The things listed by \'Neeraja\' (hug him a lot, kiss him a lot, praise him a lot, if possible sing a song for \'me\'???

) might help if there\'s a positive chemistry btwn the two. When there\'s only disinterest, doing all this \'marketing\' would only deepen the resentment.
 
 The key is in understanding the cause for disinterest, and working towards removing it. Like some one said, communicating would help - but the emphasis of that communication should be in listening, not talking. Many dont get that.
 
 Actually, if this lady Kajal can think hard and remember any complaints / grievances expressed by her husband, and work on resolving them, that should go a long way in restoring the relationship.

by **wiser than yesterday** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 10:59 pm

Kajal try going to a therapist, both of you, if he is not ready, then you go alone. If you have inhibitions to seek prof. help, then let me tell you of several eg. form my close relatives\' and friends\' including mine. There is always a balance that we have tolearn to achieve. That balance keeps changing as circumstances change. While you are newly married and its just the 2 of you, the priority will be just the 2 of you, and in this case probably your husband\'s and on the longer run, its the 2 of u\'s.
 
 oops gtg.. shall get back again..

by **Habitual Perfectionist** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 11:04 pm

Quote :
 -------------------------------------------------
 oops gtg.. shall get back again..
 -------------------------------------------------
 
 Please don\'t!!
 
 Enough said.

by **wiser than yesterday** » Tue Dec 09, 2003 12:03 am

Whoa ! whoa..whoa !! Habitual Perfectionist, whazzaup, man? cud\'nt stand what abt\' what was said by me, huh ? I believe that this is a forum where everybody has a right to express themselves, including the likes of you who \'think\' that oneself is a perfectionist . You do not understand something, that\'s ok, if you do not believe somebody elses\'s views, that\'s ok too! SO ? who in the hell appointed you as a moderator to everything that somebody else believes in, huh ? get a life, man. stop being so pushy on somebody else and let others express themselves. Learn to give your opinions as to why you oppose somebody elses\' opinion rather than have a high handed approach,

so lets chill out and lets have life and let other\'s have too. the board creator sought for some advise and let her get that, not our fights, not on her board, atleast.

by **Wiser than yesterday** » Tue Dec 09, 2003 1:42 am

Kajal, foremost, remember that your self respect is of immense importance. You respect yourself, everybody around you does. By the very title of the board that you created, it is clear that you wish to continue and work at this relationship. That in turn means that you are planning to go with newer ideas, whatever it takes, maybe including some putdowns/letdowns by your husband.
 
 (One advise Kajal, do not think that having kids is a way to his heart. Go for kids with him only if he will make a good enough father for them, only after you are sure that he loves you in return. Healthy kids need a happy and loving mother and father.
 Otherwise, You will need to work at his being a good husband and then you may need to work at him being a good father too and you will need a lot of patience, to work at both your husband and your kids.)
 to be continued..

by **arch** » Tue Dec 09, 2003 1:50 am

hey, kajal, how can you \'like\' him when he does not even like or love you? \'Marriage Ceremony\' has made you feel the love for him ? He is one heck of a lucky guy. You tell him that.

by **wiser than yesterday** » Tue Dec 09, 2003 4:16 am

I will find Neerajas\' ssuggestion sound, Fiddler, provided the guys\' worth all that in terms of being a good Man. A good man will get married to a girl and stay married and love her but not give the wife grief.If hes\' got some problems , then he should have overcome those a way before he got married or ateast he should have discussed them with his to-be wife and sought her permission to go ahead and get married and seek help from her. This is utterly unfair to kajal and her family. They must have dreamt so much about her marriage and she herself must be finding it so very painful and demeaning ! Kajal, you go and ask him straight what the heck is happening and why in the hell is he playing with you. You go girl, go. Go and fight with him for justice, you want to fight lovingly, go ahead and do it, but please do not take it lying down. Let him not get used to taking you for granted as if you are some useful furniture around in the house. that which will cook and love him, wash his clothes and love him, you get point, right?

by **Mother** » Tue Dec 09, 2003 5:45 am

T...A...L...K to your husband about how you feel. Do not assume he knows that you are feeling unLoved.

by **JustaLittleUnwell** » Tue Dec 09, 2003 1:52 pm

wiser, I do understand you are busy putting out flames and so on, and I definitely dont want to add to that - but dont you think you have over-reacted in this post?
 
 The person who started this thread just said that her hubby doesnt love her. No mention about him playing with her, taking her for granted, treating her like useful furniture / doormat and the likes. By accusing her hubby of all these, you are probably being harsh to the lady as well (since she claims to like him a lot). You are advocating her to \'fight\' when there may not be a need to.
 
 I would say you were wiser in your yesterday\'s post

(Excuse my pj - was never good at humor anyway)

by **kajal** » Tue Dec 09, 2003 2:43 pm

arch,..love is spontaneous...no i did not fall inlove in \"marriage ceremony\" as u suggested...nor a m i person who wud accept things lying down...
 Infact mine is a query not a problem ,which many wud suggest.....
 ..Educated girl and boy get into arrange marriage...end into a civil family affair rather love-two-some affair.
 suggestions are excellent...infact Neerja is to the point.
 Guys place urself in situation and think what shud be process..and what u wud want
 Definitely it will help many readers..specially girls..
 (I hope my husband reads all ur suggestions to know what he is in for!)

by **Srinu** » Tue Dec 09, 2003 3:41 pm

it would probably help talking to the guy. u married for a yr, i assume u can talk to him at least. let him know how u feel. plainspeak often does a lot of good.

by **Vicky** » Wed Jan 07, 2004 2:01 pm

Hi Neeraja,

 Your suggestion to Kajal is really Great, but ..

 No wife is so much caring, I think your Husband ( if you are married ) must be the luckiest person in the world, ( if you are also doing the same- as suggested to Kajal). You are the most perfect wife and I am really jealous that some people have got wife's like you.

 My Regards to you

Neeraja wrote:Hi kajal.
 
 the best way to reach a man is by his stomach.. prepare good dishes, make him tasty food and feed him a lot.... praise him,,, hug him often... kiss him often.... dont ask question as why he is late, who is the girl you were talkin too...
 
 give him enough sex every day,, you take the initiatie to start the sex... suggest him to take you to a good movie with couple seats.. go for a weekend trip and be alone... dress in a very fashon manner, sing for me some songs if you can... invite his friends for a lunch... or high tea..
 
 I am sure he would surender to you the next minute..
 
 all the very best

[/quote]

by **aks** » Wed Jan 07, 2004 5:22 pm

hi!

ensure that the man who is now married does not have an affair in his previous avtar as a bachelor.

most often than not premarital and extra marital affairs lead to lack of interest on the spouse.

but in a country where social norms take a higher level than the personal feelings, its important that u learn to live with the fact that pre marital affairs lead to break downs in marriage and the married life moves in monotonous routine.

How do I make my husband fall in love with me?