All you Young-Ones-To-Be-Married, be careful of the deceptio

by **a well wisher** » Sat May 24, 2003 12:32 am

Arranged marriage? I am thoroughly scared, still. One of my well educated, well placed ,w/ an excellent family background, good looking friends got married to a man from another state, a well educated, decent looking, well placed with a supposedly nice family background. Got to know of all this info after enquires from the middle men and known families. The man in ? was wonderful and so sweet and whatnot before the wedding! the best of the thoughts and ideas and behaviour, he even wud get down and open the door for my friend to get down from the car ! wow ! what a gentleman, um?! he turned out to be such an SOB right after the wedding. A person with severe inferiority complex and the related personality problems like hitting her and not allowing her to have food and not allowing her to be in contact with her family and all the typical stuff that is expected of such filthy persons. within 6 months my friend was sent away to hyderabad because the SOB did not want to have anything to do with the pregnancy expenses!! He said those words. He did not get to see his son until 15 days of his birth! And this delivery itself was an extremly traumatic experience (like pains for nearly 18 hours and a sudden change of the state of a normal delivery to a C section because of it becoming a \'baby in distress\' and an accidental incision at the arteries on a Sunday evening, with tremendous loss of blood and no blood banks being open, and the rush for the blood and..) because of its specific complexities based on the trauma she faced. when he visited them for the first time, he wanted to take away the child saying, \\

by **Raj** » Sat May 24, 2003 9:06 am

Well, you never know... Some people may be SOBs, and some are real nice but they may not be sweet looking. It all depends. Most of the people who I know and got married thru arranged marriages have done well. But of course, it\'s always good to take caution... do a thorough ground check before u tie the knot.

by **indian** » Sat May 24, 2003 10:53 am

I was so sad and emotional to read this poor girl\'s plight... Pls ask her to be bold and courageous. If the SOB is raising his hand, this gal can also raise her hand. Everyone is equal now in giving & taking respect. If this is the torture, why should the gal keep quite? After all, she is an educated girl - where has all her courage gone?
<br><br>
This man can be cured by taking him to a Pyscho doctor. If he is still adamant, just quit, but before that fix him properly so he will realise his mistake...
Dear girl, pls be courageous, you have a child now... You and your child can now be mutul support to each other... Don\'t worry.

by **a well wisher** » Sat May 24, 2003 7:49 pm

somehow, , the later part of the posting has been deleted. I did not realise that until now. So, to continue: He said to my friend when he came after 15days of the childs\' birth, \"Even your shadow should not fall on my child, so I am taking him with me now.\" Until then she was excited that she is probably going to salvage the marriage, by working at their relationship by giving in at some places and maybe with the help of a therapist, so that she will not give a broken family to her child.But, hearing this about her child being taken away, she became one \'Tigerres of a Mother\' and did not allow him to take away her child from her. He stormed out of the home and went away to his state the same afternoon. there were a barrage of cheap, indecent, filthy phone calls and letters from him and some from his mother after that for a while. My friend was undergoing too much of trauma, a marraige, a traumatic short stay at her in-laws during a difficult pregnancy, the hurt, insult and confusion of being \'sent\' away to her parents in hyderabad, not being able to tend to herself and her child\'s needs because of her physical/emotional state of mind: these were few of them that I could understand of ! I wonder what all she would have actually felt and did not share with me. Her family of her parents, brothers, sisters and their respective spouses and her nieces, nephews and aunts and uncles and yes, even her grand parents were such wonderful sources of strength and they are so, even today. A very well educated family with such deep convictions and compassion and love and yet practical too. Its hats off to them, with pride that I know of such a family.

by **the well wisher** » Sat May 24, 2003 8:44 pm

contd..This friend of mine was taken to court for the custody of the child when the child was 5 years of age. That SOB never again set his eyes on the child all this while and except for once when she herself took the child to his home, along w/ her elders to be asked what was actually wrong. He and his family just sat there, not talking, not even offering a glass of water to this little child !! My friend lost the child to this fellow in a very bitter battle in the lower court, inspite of having all the written proof of his personality, viz. his letters.She was ordered to give the child within 15 days to this Man ! we all call this judge JAG, Judge Adda Gadida

.. She immediately took a stay on this judgement and went to the High Court and within 3 sittings of the court where the child and both the parents were interviewed and all the pertaining papers were gone through and the judgement was passed immediately that the child should be with the mother. In fact this Case is one of its first kind and made into legal books where the child was separetly interviewed and the decision was made just upon what the child needs, in the childs best interest. Earlier it had been over the rights of the Father. This SOb-of-father was instructed by the high court to visit the child regulary and develop a relationship and pay his part for the child\\\'s support. ofcourse, he did not, any of them. This fellows whole intention had been one thing, the woman should not be happy. How dare she !? Inspite of so much suffering that he had made her go through?! It must have baffled him. let him be baffled and let him go to the hell-hole where he came from. Now, my friend has taken up a decent job which allows her to be there for her child when he needs her and she makes an excellent mother.Her family supports her emotionally and are there for them always. Is it not a WOW of an experience !?

by **TWW** » Sat May 24, 2003 8:56 pm

Yes, raj, they did the supposed thorough checking of the entire family through known families and mutual friends ! Its NOT that i am saying that arranged marriages are so, love marriages could be so too ! what makes such a person be different if he goes for an love marraige, nothing, i guess. its just his personality problem. thats\' how I feel that we should get to know the person before we get engaged for over a period of atleast 6 months in various situations and we also should be truthful about ourselves during our getogethers so that they too can know us better. It can be a family thing, you know. It need not be dating and stuff if it does not suit our culture. what says you?

by **TWW** » Sat May 24, 2003 9:11 pm

Its ok, Indian. she is doing good now. She is so much more strong and a beautiful person now. She had been extremly courageous at all kinds of difficult situations, even when the law tried to take away her child ! she did not give up. She fought until what she felt is best for her child, in the given circumstances, right? Yes, she went to therapy while she was married to him, to understand if there was something which she can correct in herself to make the marriage work. The therapist (after listening to her side of the story, meeting soem of the family members and also going through all the letters that SOB wrote ) said that it is a case of severe inferiority complex of that man which is manifesting into such filthy, sadistic personality. The SOB did not go to the therapist saying that he is not MAD !!
Its not that everything is \'happily ever after\'. She is a single Mom and in our society and all the rest of it, yet, its her attitude which is most admirable.

by **the smiling person feeling pride** » Sun Jun 01, 2003 1:34 pm

oh, wow! it is so wonderful to read about this lady. I see her being gutsy and really determined to live a happy life. please give her all our best wishes for a happier life TWW. Hey, UB! what do u feel about this issue? and about the kid and the lady and the entire family?

Who is online