HQ - Humane Quotient

[gods_gift2_mankind]

Cynical is what we are all becoming. the perfect sign of this are the mute spectators when Giftie was doing her best to help the lady.
In 1997, i had faced a similar situation just outside a posh boutique at click tower, secbad. it was abt 5pm and i had come out of the nearby navketan complex. there was this bedraggled guy having an attack of fits on the road just outside this boutique.
everybody on the road passed him after staring for a few seconds. the beautiful people inside the boutique were staring thru the windows with fingertips on their open mouths (classic expression of disgust cum shock).
i ran to him, lifted him up and carried him to safety to a sidewalk infront of the complex. the crowd followed me staring. i left him there, ran inside the complex, borrowed a bottle from a RELUCTANT watchman, filled it with water and rushed back.
by then the fits had subsided and the guy was semi conscious, with the crowd once again staring. I revived him enuf for him to drink the water i got. he looked at me and mumbled "bahut bhook hai saab". i asked someone from the crowd to help him drink water while i fetched some food. at that, the crowd melted away and few who remained withdrew to a distance to watch. the disgust i felt at that time cannot be described. if i had a gun i wud have shot all of those bastards.
i left him there, ran to a cafe nearby, bot buns n tea and rushed back to him. he hungrily wolfed it down and drank all the water. he told me that he was from some village in maharashtra and had come looking for work in the city.
i took him in an auto to my dad's office and convinced him to employ the guy in one of their factories (he is now a foreman in one of the factories).

i shudder to think what wud have hapnd to him in case i was not present there.

Wow!!

What u did was something! Really!!

[gods_gift2_mankind]

Giftie and ctrl did not express cynicism as u did, just as I feel too about myself. Giftie is thinking that she might get there ( she seems to be just getting into the field of being a grownup. Welcome Sweetie, into the s'possed big bad world which is actually beauitful when we learn to balance ), whereas ctrl did not sound so.

At the cost of me sounding extremely naive:



I never want to become anything like that Arch!!! It may all turn out alright, everything always does. But I dont want that compromise! Excuse this but: f*** balance.

[CtrlAltDel]

What u did was something! Really!!

thanQ...but i'd like to see if i can still help someone that way...a test if i've become as cynical as some people say i am...

[Prince]

Very touching topic this. I am sure many of us would have paused a bit more on this, than on others.



Arch is right when she says " As for turning CYnical ? that's ok. you will outgrow that too, as you did with being very kind." and "Its called a cycle and you'll also learn to balance, as time passes"



That has been my experience as well.



When I look back, I think I was a bit generous with beggars, etc. when I was a student and in my early job years. But when I started earning more, this changed for some reason. I didn't realised this until a day an auto driver helped out a beggar. That was like a kick in my backside. I think I am back to my oldself. I have noticed that this sudden lack of empathy happens to a lot of people who start earning well.



Oh, I know I may have been suckered up some times. I have heard of enough horror stories as well. But I have resolved that I shouldn't allow a few bad incidents to change me. I may have my pocket picked, but I always try to offer somebody a lift.



I think it is okay to sometimes refuse to help. I can seem to be very blatant sometimes. I have a partiality to old men and women, but with the others I say no sometimes without any particular reason. I suppose, as Arch says, it is a cycle.



There is another incident that shook me. My wife told me that there was a terrible accident in front of her college once. The victim cried out for water. My wife's friend stopped her because she did not want to get involved in an accident case. The poor man would have died in any case, but at least he would not have died thirsty. That's another of my resolution - I will not shy away just because it can become a 'police case'. I haven't had an opportunity yet to find out how strong my resolution is.



As somebody mentioned a few weeks back, good deeds go in cycles. All those who have done some good deed in your life, even if is only helping an elder cross a street, and I am sure that this every single fullHydi here, hats off to you.

[asli_badmash]

I have something to say here.



GGtoMK: You are awesome. Awesome but very naive, emotional.



Bimbette: Tell me where your office is. Maybe I can hire a wheelchair and make some money. What you did was very generous, but it only encouranged him to beg. So in long term you didnt help him at all. Dont you think so! You should have given him the money and the telephone number to the nearest center for crippled people or you should have driven him to that place.



World is a harsh place and everyday we make harsh choices. I want people to stand up and fight the circumstances. If you think you are humane teach someone to stand on their own feet. Never give short term solutions.



Few things:



1. Dont sit down to help someone when you dont know how to.



2. When you take up the cause, see to it that you invest yourself fully into it and see it to the end. may be GGTMK should have called the local police and then the ambulance and seen to it that the lady reaches hospital.



3. Dont become emotional with people, many scam artists work on your guilt to scam you. There are true cases where people need help, but always beware of the cheats.



This happened to me....



I was driving to my college in Tarnaka one fine day and I saw a crowd. I stopped by to see a lady and her daughter crying for help, saying that her mother colapsed and she needs money to take her to hospital. All the good people had gathered there and were trying to help thme out. The coincidence was that I had seen the same pair near my house Gunrock Enclave doing the same drama just a week ago and I had stopped to pool in the money(10 Rs).



Now, I was pissed, plus they were of the same religion as me. I went up to the girl. Yanked her hand and told everybody about the scam. The mother wouldnt wake up even though she could hear everything. I asked the girl to wake her mother up and never show up again in the college area. The mother sensed the problem and then I mentioned police and ambulance. They had choosen a spot that was not close to a phone booth. I asked my friend to rush to the police station and get a constable. Few seconds later the mother got up and started behaving normal and all.



The public didnt let the duo get away. They handed over this scamming people to the police and that was the end of it. People there were dumbfound. I was pissed, that is the day I decided, If I get involved I will see to it that it reaches its conclusion or else I wont.



I dont feel guilty If I drive by a helpless man or child and I dont help. I think I am humane, my point is, involve yourself only if you can see it to the end. Else dont, call the police or the right organization and they can take care of it.



~badmash~



PS:If you can help, by all means do it. But never lend money to these folk. Get thme to the hospital and pay for the bills if you can. But never give money to these folks.

[Happy Hyderabadi]

...When I look back, I think I was a bit generous with beggars, etc. when I was a student and in my early job years. But when I started earning more, this changed for some reason. I didn't realised this until a day an auto driver helped out a beggar. That was like a kick in my backside. I think I am back to my oldself. I have noticed that this sudden lack of empathy happens to a lot of people who start earning well. ... I will not shy away just because it can become a 'police case'. I haven't had an opportunity yet to find out how strong my resolution is.

...

GGtoMK: You are awesome. ...

Bimbette: Tell me where your office is. Maybe I can hire a wheelchair and make some money. What you did was very generous, but it only encouranged him to beg. ...

World is a harsh place and everyday we make harsh choices. I want people to stand up and fight the circumstances. If you think you are humane teach someone to stand on their own feet. Never give short term solutions.
...

PS:If you can help, by all means do it. But never lend money to these folk. Get thme to the hospital and pay for the bills if you can. But never give money to these folks.

Kudos to ALL for their Rich Experience, Noble Feelings and Necessary Caution ... F Stands for Fit, apart from Full, fellow FH Members!

[gods_gift2_mankind]

I have something to say here.

GGtoMK: You are awesome. Awesome but very naive, emotional.

Few things:

1. Dont sit down to help someone when you dont know how to.

2. When you take up the cause, see to it that you invest yourself fully into it and see it to the end. may be GGTMK should have called the local police and then the ambulance and seen to it that the lady reaches hospital..

i know that now....

[azazel]

just read these FFT somewhere:

help someone when he's in need and he'll rememeber you when he's in need again



another one of the numerous fraudulent @$$holes goin arnd swindlin ppl managed to come by our house one fine day n this is what happened:



X to me: Saab ku bolo Naveed Ahmed aaye..

me: kaunse saab?

X: Ahmed saab [must've read the name-plate]

me to Unc: aapke liye koi Naveed Ahmed aaya hai , standin outside

Unc: i dunno anyone by that name, kya kaam hai poocho..

me: $$ ke liye aaye vaisa dikhra

Unc: ye 20/- deke badaade bhai..i wont come outside

me to X: uncle nai hai, ye 20/- lo aur bubbye

X: arey nai, aap nai bole shayad.. unku bolo pehle unke vaalid saab dete the, unhu 2 saal se derai mereku[the chap was arnd 30]

me to unc: [laughing] he sez aapke vaalid saab dete pehle

unc: wtf? mere dad guzarke 25 saal hogaye, isku kab diye the kate??

me+Unc to X: jaata ya laat maarke nikaalu yahan se.. dubaara dikhna nai ye galli me..

[Happy Hyderabadi]

Smart Way for Smart "Alecs"!



Dost Azazel!

That was smart the way You and Your Uncle handled that "Naveed" fellow ... But they keep returning, may be in Different Editions & Issues!

[Prince]

I have had my share of being suckered. At home, we could never believe that such a thing would happen.



A classmate of my sister from her school days came home one day. My sis stays in a diff city. This friend said that she got our address from another of their classmate. She gave us some sob story about how she had come back to the city for her daughter's treatment in a hospital and how she had run out of money. She spent about three hours with us, had tiffin and coffee and took some Rs. 2000 - and vanished. Later we came to know that she had done similar tricks at other classmates' places. This was no poor girl, but a convent educated 38 year old lady.

[asli_badmash]

I have something to say here.

GGtoMK: You are awesome. Awesome but very naive, emotional.

Maybe my use of words was not appropriate. I apologize.



What you did GGTManKind, bimbette and others was out of a nice heart. I appreciate that. Maybe I need to learn to let go of old happenings. Sometimes experieces make you harsh. And once you know something you cant undo it. I do help people, but I hate it when how I intended to help people is not how it turns out to be. Maybe the gesture matters... but to what end!



Should we help people and do our bit and not care about the result, just be happy that we did our bit or should we worry about how it would all end and get involved and see it to the end?



What does being humane mean ?



I dont know?



~badmash~

[Prince]

Badmash,



My thoughts:



- No one can change/ help the world

- It is okay not to help out others; one doesn't need to feel guilty about it as long as one doesn't harm others

- One will be made suckers on the way

- In a way, one is only pandering to one's 'feel-good' factor by helping others.

- "Rather than give a coin to a few others, I would donate a large amount to a charity" is a nobler thought; in reality, most of us leave this as just a thought

- Hence, I should do small things that could make that moment 'better' for both the receiver and me

- I should also recognise that what I think is 'better' for the reciever may not necessarily be so. Remember all those stories about how the larva needs to struggle to come out of its egg so that it can fly??

- I said '..that moment better..' Yeah, teaching to fish is a million times better than giving one a fish'. But then one doesn't/ can't put in the time and effort required for that. I would rather give him a fish for that day than use this saying as an excuse and ultimately not doing anything

- I should learn to invest the required time and effort, so help me god!



***Reminder to self: Try to practice what you preach***

[asli_badmash]

Prince,

Badmash,

My thoughts:

- In a way, one is only pandering to one's 'feel-good' factor by helping others.

Are you saying, the only reason I would stop to help someone is because that would make me feel good. I dont agree, some where deep down we humans are designed to care for fellow humans. Specially women have that instinctual feeling to protect, nurture and care. I think, GGTMK and bimbette and others were compelled by that urge.

- "Rather than give a coin to a few others, I would donate a large amount to a charity" is a nobler thought; in reality, most of us leave this as just a thought
- Hence, I should do small things that could make that moment 'better' for both the receiver and me

It beats the purpose. The simple philosophy is if you spread yourself far and wide, you dont make any difference. So make a concentrated effort and see your results multiply.

Also, Why do I get the feeling that you are seeing this from a single point of view. Either the betterment of the one you are helping or your own "feel good" aspect. While I appreciate you thinking about helping someone, it should not be a deal which says, I help because I feel good about it. Sometimes when you help someone you loose, that should not
stop you from helping others.

- I should also recognise that what I think is 'better' for the reciever may not necessarily be so. Remember all those stories about how the larva needs to struggle to come out of its egg so that it can fly??

Good point...

- I said '..that moment better..' Yeah, teaching to fish is a million times better than giving one a fish'. But then one doesn't/ can't put in the time and effort required for that. I would rather give him a fish for that day than use this saying as an excuse and ultimately not doing anything

I dont think that is true. It is a perception that you cant help people. Start small. Maybe teach your maids kid how to read few alphabets. encourage them with gifts as they study harder. Teach your maid how to count and maybe add, so she can learn how to do basic math and tell her about the benefits of putting money in the bank.



I think concentrating our efforts to help someone in particular is more meaningfull than just spreading little help far and wide. If you get what I am trying to say...



~badmash~

[Happy Hyderabadi]

...
I think concentrating our efforts to help someone in particular is more meaningfull than just spreading little help far and wide. ...

~badmash~

Well said asli!

I can cite the Example of a Past President of the Country who was helped in his Studies by a Businessman ... He won renown as a Scholar! Then, in more recent Times, one of Our Scientists who helped to put Hyderabad on the eMap of the World and the World Capital of IT. His Food was provided by one family each on Every Weekday, thanks to the "Varalu" Tradition in those Days ... A Noble Traditon of Immense Value and Infinite Worth, now perhaps rare.

As You Rightly put, Asli: Concentrate Your Help!

[Mayavi Morpheus]

Varalu! That was a nicetradition. Two other names that come to my mind are Tanguturi praksaham pantulu and Puttaparti satya sai baba. Both were very poor in their childhood and were fed and educated by the well to do families of their time.

[gods_gift2_mankind]

I have something to say here.
GGtoMK: You are awesome. Awesome but very naive, emotional.

Maybe my use of words was not appropriate. I apologize.
What you did GGTManKind, bimbette and others was out of a nice heart.

u neednt apologize. i did not take that the wrong way!!

[Prince]

Prince,

- In a way, one is only pandering to one's 'feel-good' factor by helping others.

Are you saying, the only reason I would stop to help someone is because that would make me feel good. ...

I stand corrected. I didn't mean it in that sense. I meant "one is also pandering..." But psychologists won't deny that sub consciously at least this is true.

The simple philosophy is if you spread yourself far and wide, you dont make any difference. So make a concentrated effort and see your results multiply.

100% true. I don't deny this. Only, many of us don't make this into reality. All I said was, spreading thin is better than not doing anything. You would at least bring a smile in the receiver's face for that instant.

I suppose when the sequence of thoughts in my earlier posting is split, it screws up the intent . Thanks badmash.



The message is that one should invest the time and effort to make a difference to sombody's lives. Agreed