premarital sex

by **ABCD** » Wed Dec 10, 2003 5:06 am

please don’t fry me .just enlighten me. I mean why guys still look for virgins
 Why can not we have Dating and sex in India too? Its not Wrong. I can see so many guys think of sex and they don’t get it like in west. I don’t think its anything wrong to have safe sex and have fun before getting married. The more available the less we think
 Yeah its affecting my work in HYD too. Its nothing wrong guys ..Yes I think the same
 for my sisters any relatives in my family.

by **Free Sex** » Wed Dec 10, 2003 5:36 am

I think it is a very good idea. But it will definetely take some time in India and i guess it is happening in India with some percentage of people in the urban areas. So be patient and within 10 to 15 yrs it will be common in the urban areas.

by **Mayavi Morpheus** » Wed Dec 10, 2003 8:55 am

You do realize that Dating and premartial sex was not common or accepted even in the west(read US) during the early parts of 19th century.
 It took the great depression of 1920\'s (1929 to be precise) for dating to be accepted in the american society. Men and women were jobless, prostituition increased and so did dating. It wasnt a taboo after that.
 Same with premartial sex. It took Vietnam war (the guilt feeling associated with killing innocent vietnamese), the Hare-Krishna movement, the hippie culture which made the american youth revolt against the accepted norms and to enjoy life by havig sex in the 60\'s.
 It will take something of that sort in India to accept premartial sex. You cant force it on the society, its not ready for such a thing (Hippies and guppies an exception).

by **CtrlAltDel** » Wed Dec 10, 2003 12:14 pm

yes..MM is right. indian society is largely conservative and it wud take some more time b4 such things become very common.
 not that it doesn\'t happen these days, but its definitely not very easy, compared to the west.
 
 for pre-marital sex to become common, women have to change their mentality first and start thinking like men do!
 
 y\'know the old jungle saying:
 
 Women want a relationship without the complication of unnecessary sex. Men want sex without the complication of an unnecessary relationship!

by **Fiddler** » Wed Dec 10, 2003 12:30 pm

In my opinion, the concept isn\'t as popular in India as is it is in the West for two reasons. The first, and the most obvious, is that the Indian culture/mindset/watchamacallit brands women who have sex before they\'re married as having loose morals. Secondly and, I think, more importantly, the double standards of the predominantly male population are also at fault, with men themselves being open to the concept, but have ego hassles if they\'re not their wives\' or girlfreinds \'first\'. Both the above reasons combine to make most women averse to pre-marital sex. I think the male population needs to lighten up and realise that just because a woman has had sex before doesn\'t mean that she\'s a whore and that she\'s not ready to form a long-term attachment.

by **ABCD** » Wed Dec 10, 2003 11:23 pm

MM and Fidler
 
 Nice comments folks, No wonder why I don\'t get laid easily in Hyd. I think I am wasting time just taking these girls to most expensive restaurants and All I get is hand shake.
 Hmmm.. Its really painful to fly all the to US just to get laid. At this point of time I realize it has to with my appetite for sex .there is nothing wrong with the culture here.Wow! Finally I am going to California this Christmas ..So I can have fun with my Korean
 Lady.

by **archana** » Thu Dec 11, 2003 4:47 am

Bro ABCD:
 
 You pro\'lly got the wrong girls each time. If all you wanted was sex, there are many \"working girls\" here in the US. The guys keep going there every now and then.

by **ABCD** » Thu Dec 11, 2003 5:10 am

I am in Hyd as of now Archana...are you in Hyd or US
 even in US its not that easy with desi girls

by **archana** » Thu Dec 11, 2003 5:30 am

ABCD:
 
 I am in the US, and it is not just desi girls, but most Asian girls who are hard to make out with unless you are married to them or on the brink of marriage. One of my Chinese friends complained about her desi colleague for making sexual advances just because she was friendly to all, including him, and he took it the wrong way. You don\'t take decent girls out to dinner in five star hotels and expect a roll in the hay for that! I thought you are an American Born Desi, so you should pro\'lly be more broad-minded with your outlook to girls in general, but you sound more like you have just come out of some village with a wrong picturization of girls.

by **ABCD** » Thu Dec 11, 2003 6:47 am

Holy cow! I never had any problem to get laid with any of my dates except with the girls in Hyderabad and Indian girls in US. I don’t have any wrong impression about our girls But sure you seem to have a certain attitude for my outlook.
 
 Peace

Peace out buddy

by **archana** » Thu Dec 11, 2003 6:58 am

LOL no offense bro. Just inferring that Asian girls are harder to get than Caucasians girls, thats all

by **ABCD** » Fri Dec 12, 2003 4:57 am

Cyber Sista..where that village word came from then? Ammo Aduwari matalku Ardhaley weru ani woorikey patalu rayaalaa pichhollu.

by **neeraja** » Wed Dec 17, 2003 2:01 pm

HI all,
 
 Even while you buy a chappals in Bata, you want the brand new one, which no one has even tried it, the slippers would be worn out in a year or so. yet you give lots of importance to slippers.. alterall you are choosing your partner for life, and obviously you would like to have the best,ofcourse a virgin who is not spoiled earlier.....so at this given situation premartial sex is no fun...and ethically/morally its very wrong.. i am sure one would certainly repent for year if they have done this act.....

by **Fiddler** » Wed Dec 17, 2003 3:01 pm

Er.., Neeraja, the parallel that you\'ve drawn is neither valid nor very flattering to women. How can you compare women to chappals? Anyway, why is a woman \'spoiled\' if she\'s not a virgin? I agree, there\'s a certain romantic appeal to saving yourself for your spouse, but then think about this: if a man or a woman have prior \'experience\', wouldn\'t wouldn\'t they be better aware of how to give each other pleasure and, thereby, making the intimacy they share that much stronger? Also, if a man and a woman are deeply in love, why should they not give each other their bodies, like they give each other everything else? Why should that be \'wrong\'?

by **Shilpa** » Wed Dec 17, 2003 6:54 pm

Hi,ABCD,
 First donot get excited after reading and don\'t use abusive language,I am just giving Example below,bcos if society is changed how u r telling then surely,this cases will be common then.
 Just think that u came to know today that ur mother had a premarital affair,and ur result of that and ur other brothers r from ur Dad after,her marriage,what u will think,I am telling only about one affair,if the society is changed,how u like to,then each will have atleast 5 to 6 affairs b4 marriage,which is now common in West.And u have 2 name ur child by Mothers name bcos u donno who is real father.

by **Habitual Perfectionist (With a funny bon** » Wed Dec 17, 2003 8:19 pm

Shilpa,
 
 The scenario you\'ve shown out there is really terrible. I don\'t think anyone would like to be in that position. but don\'t you think it\'s a little behind the times?
 
 We\'re talking of the age of condoms, pills and other contraceptives. Whoever said that having sex always leads to babies? hindi movies probably.....abd influence!!

by **CtrlAltDel** » Wed Dec 17, 2003 9:19 pm

My God neeraja....being a woman, how can u compare a woman with slippers...?
 no one can find out if a woman is a virgin or not...unless that person is foolish enuf to believe in the \"blood-on-the-bedspread\" rule!
 whether a person has sex before marriage or not, its entirely his/her decision, and his/her character cant be decided on that basis.
 i entirely agree with Fiddler\'s opinion on that afterall \"practise makes perfect\"...!!!!
 
 but on the flip side if the girl or boy had a very lousy first experience, they may not be that responsive during the \"suhaag raat\"...!

by **JustaLittleUnwell** » Wed Dec 17, 2003 10:35 pm

I think my view is contradictory to that of many of the regulars here (Ctrl-bhai, Fiddler, to be specific).
 
 Firstly let me mention that I wouldn\'t discriminate (a potential partner) based on (her lack of) virginity. If there is a genuine reason (say a previous marriage), I cannot obviously expect her to be a virgin. But on the other hand, if the lady has a tendency to sleep with people whom she doesnt love or intend to marry, I would definitely not buy the justification for her sleeping around. I guess same would be the case with many of the girls/women here.
 
 I think neeraja\'s point was not to equate women with slippers but to emphasize the need for a spouse who can be trusted with his/her sexuality (ie. when you have high standards for even your slippers, why would you lower it when it comes to a spouse)
 
 I\'m not sure if live-in relationships have taken off as yet (in India that is), and hence I have consciously not included that situation. If I were to include, I would say that sex between live-in partners is probably justified, as there is some level of committment (loyalty to one person etc.), though not to the extent as in a marriage.

by **ABCD** » Thu Dec 18, 2003 12:04 am

Since I grew up in west, I would not surely mind whom my mom dated before marriage or whom my dad slept with. Even If they have any children I would treat them as my own siblings. In fact my sister dated few. All I was saying its not wrong before marriage provided it’s a safe sex. I think the Best time to have sex is 16 to 24, If You date many girls (boys ). you know who you can live with. I am not for extra marital affair; well if someone is having, it is his/her choice.
 
 Virginity is in mind not in body. Having sex does not spoil like Bata Slippers, moreover
 It relaxes all of your nerves. I will agree, if you say it is not socially acceptable in India.
 Well I would not bother to marry a girl who had dated several guys , all I care about is how we get along. There are so many beautiful things in life to enjoy rather than worrying about your partners ex partners 
 
 
 Any how men don’t think with head above shoulders but with the head in pants especially when they are horny. If they unload lava , things and thoughts get straight.
 
 Safe drive saves life
 
 Yours truly

by **Mayavi Morpheus** » Thu Dec 18, 2003 5:07 am

Neerja ji, I cant agree with you anymore. Thats why I advocate compulsive Virginity checks before marriage and use of Chastity belts with Godrej locks and/or veils for women, just in case they succumb to body urges.
 
 Ok, now that the habitual sarcastic blurb is made, I will get to the point.
 
 Comparing women to chappals, whether intentionally or unintentionally was not in good taste, especially since some sections of the socitey donot make the differentiation between chappals and Women (Illali stanam vantintlo, pati charanam paremeswara sannidhi) and it gave me an impression that u re supporting such a view. I may be wrong. But since you already made the comparision, let me explain my point using the same Bata chappal. If I wear a Bata Chappal for few days the next person wearing it will definitely know that since it will have my foot marks on worn out leather, and the chappal itself is worn out. Same for a used car or shaving brush. So, what kind of marks does a women bear if she had pre-martial sex? Will it be stamped on her forehead that she had sex? Will she be useless for the second time like a worn out chappal. In that case no man should sleep with the same women twice. After all sex in Indias context (according to union law) is for copulation only. So how does a women\'s having sex before marriage or after marriage come in way of copulation? Neither are crime according to law.
 
 And why is having pre-martial sex ethically and morally wrong? What moral values are we talking about here? why are these ethics and morals applied to women alone? Men can sleep with as many women as they want. Its not perceived as a sin in our culture, then why this bias against women?
 
 These are very important questions which need to be answered if the youth need to have faith in our tradition and culture. Going by others responses, it seems that they, like me, do not understand ur POV of our culture, so what incentive do we (taking the liberty of speaking on behalf of other members) have to follow our culture instead of the west.
 
 Oh, BTW, from the knowledge I gained from reading Hindu scriptures pre-martial sex is not sin. Mahabharatha is a holy book for Hindus (thats where Geeta came from), Kunti Devi had pre-martial sex. So did Radha. Radha flirted with krishna, and if bapu were to be believed, then even had sex, but Radha is not Krishna\'s wife. So if you are Hindu, then your religion doesnt consider pre-martial sex as sin, from what I gathered. Is Hindu culture same as Indian culture?
 
 I dont know what Khoran says, may be other members can enlighten. But even if Khoran considers pre-martial sex as sin its only followed by 12% of Indians and definitely doesnt apply to whole of India.
 
 Christianity also considers sex for pleasure as a sin, but \'Christians\' think other wise, they are only 2.5% and donot reflect whole of India.
 
 So what is Indian culture? I really need to know the answer for this question. Is it derived from religion, amalgamation of religions, or just Indian way of life independant of religions? Is it the Hindu way of life, then what about muslims and Christians and Sikhs?

by **neeraja** » Thu Dec 18, 2003 11:05 am

ABCD,
 
 You may have lived in western countries and may be able to accept non virgins, or premarital sex.. that is your individual thinking no disputes on that... but in general its not right,, the virginity is not in the mind but also in the body,, I am sure you will not appreciate taking a toothpaste or face cream which is tampered in the seal by someone..(meaning broken and used by someone.. which is quite common in US super markets)....
 
 while you cant acept that how could you sleep with your wife who has already slept with someone(viseversa).....you may accept it again that is your individual thinking... but in general others will not do,, India is a country of heritage and culture with sancitity...no women or men who has little bit of ethics in his mind would be unfaithful .... what ever may be the reactions of my opinion .. yet I am sure and confident out sincere ethics and faithfulness will be rewarded.. ( you write a letter to your boss or a business partner.. you sing in the bottom as YOURS FAITHFULLY.. why???think you would get the answer.. and please for gods sake do not compare Europe or US or Australia(where they have defacto status).. with INdia.. we are definitely something specail and edge over others///

by **neeraja** » Thu Dec 18, 2003 11:09 am

Mayavi M.
 
 I think you read my previous board in a hurry, I did not compare a chappal with women( i said even while buying a chappals we dont take the one which was tried by some other customer)... that\'s all.. ok/... and I not only tell for the women its for the men also they need tohave the ethics in mid too,, ok

by **Mayavi Morpheus** » Thu Dec 18, 2003 11:22 am

Neeraja garu, I have spent half an hour to type a lengthy post and as usual u ignored it. My question is posted above, please read it and answer if you can, others are welcome too. I am really looking for a different perspective.
 
 Aur ek baat neeraja ji, Question of being faithfull arises only after marriage. Here we are talking about pre-martial sex. I guess in a relationship, more often than not, men and women are faithfull. So, there is no point in being faithfull to some future husband/wife esp in India as the marriages are arranged, and there is a good chance that the husband/wife is not compatible physically and mentally.
 You have been overseas for a good part of you life (how many, 18 years?), you never came across people who are having a live-in relationship and faithfull to each other?

by **neeraja** » Thu Dec 18, 2003 2:40 pm

Justlittleunwell.
 
 No you are \"just very well\" yaap,, you have got my message across correctly..You have a valid point to... lets see what Mr.Mayavi M has got to say... also MM i have read your board very carefully before i could reply dud...

by **JustaLittleUnwell** » Thu Dec 18, 2003 2:53 pm

Mayavi, I hope I can respond, though the questions were not addressed to me.
 
 A woman or man who sleeps once doesnt become useless the next time, and yes, there is no way of telling if a person has had prior sexual experience or not (other than by rating the \'performance\' probably). But I believe that relationships are based on trust and it is better to confess things like the lifestyle that we\'ve been leading (vices like drugs, smoke, booze etc., and.....*ahem* probably the sex life too) to a partner before committing to the relationship. Assuming (or ass-u-ming as you would like to call it) that many would subscribe to this view (atleast in theory), it is likely that a spouse would come to know either from the horse\'s mouth or otherwise, about his/her partner\'s sex life. The question is whether we would be comfortable defending ourselves in that situation or we would be better off not having to deal with that situation at all.
 
 I dont think the issue is about gender as the \'morality\' requirement applies equally to both. Talking of morality, it keeps changing and as it stands, pre-marital sex is considered immoral just like lies, stealing etc. Often there\'s a deception involved and a promise (of marriage, closer relationship etc.) which goes unfulfilled, leading to despair. In an ideal situation where both partners are well aware that they are doing it for this instance only and not anything more, it may seem like they are perfectly fair in going about their deed (two consenting adults etc etc.). But it may work in a world where everyone has the same mentality (including the future spouses of the two \'consenting adults\'). For most(even in the West, I guess), the thinking is that a privilege like sex has to be accompanied by a responsibility like marriage.
 
 I\'ve taken care not to talk about AIDS etc. which offers a compelling disincentive for not going onto the \'freeway\'.

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