the tag of 'divorcee'

[uzma]

In india a 'divorcee 'women will not be considered 'good'......a man can be a divorcee...no harm...BUT NOT WOMEN...

Either , she is considered fallen... or as a threat..or someone you wonn't like to realate to.....

why??

will you marry a divorcee woman? a question for many....and why

etc...etc...



What do you feel??

[JustaLittleUnwell]

In india a 'divorcee 'women will not be considered 'good'......a man can be a divorcee...no harm...BUT NOT WOMEN...
Either , she is considered fallen... or as a threat..or someone you wonn't like to realate to.....
why??
will you marry a divorcee woman? a question for many....and why
etc...etc...

What do you feel??

Yes, there are double standards as you mention, but things are changing. I've never come across an opinion that she's a threat, but the tendancy is to blame the woman for the failed marriage, irrespective of who was at fault.



Will I marry a divorcee? The answer would be 'No'. She's already gone through a lot in life. I'll spare her from further misery ;)

[Cool-Not-Cold]

times certainly are changing
or so it seems and for def'ly for the better from the look of it.

I know there are many people who stick to their bigoted opinions but its very heartening to know there are a few on the other side.
I have had friends(ladies mind you, from different religions and backgrounds) who were divorced. They were lucky to find love yet again and are right now quite content and happy. I have known their beaus as well ... seemed like very big-hearted guys.

[Crazy Vijay]

Hi Uzma,



I don't think there is anything wrong in marrying a divorcee... though i agree that the (male chauvinist) society looks at it as being odd...



However, i am of the view that times are changing, have actually got to know of guys who married divorced ladies and are happy... Would tend to believe that this goes more with the education level - of not just the guy, but also the society he lives in...



Would i marry a divorced woman? My answer is yes, why not... if she meets my criteria... then she is just as good (if not better than) an unmarried person.



Cheers

Vijay

(PS: Uzma - thats a lovely name... no flattery intended!, remember a friend in Pune mentioning this name of her hyderabadi friend... hope you are not the same person..)

[humrahi]

I agree that divorced women are treated very wrong. This has to do with a combination of socio-cultural-religious reasons. Although Islam has been fighting this stigma for the last 14 centuries, it still has not suceeded especially with Muslims in the Subcontinent. Marrying a divorcee/widow with kids is considered a very noble deed by Islam, but no one cares.



Good men who are willing to do that are few and far between. Usually, they would agree only if they were in love, had some material benefit or were very staunch followers of Islam.

[Asli_Badmash]

I understand the society doesnt treat divorced women well. But times are changing and I think educated women today are getting equal status as compared to unmarried women.



I am unmarried and I dont have any qualms about getting togather with a divorced woman. I cant speak about the whole world.. but this is my view.



Few observations, for people who want to get involved with a divorced women.



1. Divorced people may carry a lot of baggage; social and personal and it is understandable.

----- People who want to get involved with divorced women should have a lot of patience and an understanding nature. Overall you should love that woman unconditionally. Make sure that your family understands the situation, because marraige in India is not between two people its between two families. Iron out all the minor details before you jump into a deal.



2. Time is the best healer for Divorced women.

---- Give them time, when a women goes through trauma of divorce, she is breaking bonds she thought would be for her life. The best thing to do is to give them your love, support and understanding. Let them come out of their shell and show signs of normalcy before you can take your matter further. And never bring up the issue of divorce in a way that hurts the other person or puts them down.



3. Make sure you deal with all your insecurities.

--- Make sure you deal with all your insecurities of all kinds before you get togather with a divorced person. Personal, Sexual and mental. Because there is nothing worse than jumping headlong into a relationship with a divorced person and then treating them unfairly.



4. Make sure you check out all the details.

---- Make sure you check out all the details. I understand women are all about honesty and trust. But under family and socities pressure women some times buckle under the pressure and donot share all the details. Make sure you ask all the right questions and you get all the right answers, you would have done that in a normal relationship anyway. Nothing against women, women should also check out all the details...



5. Dont do it for others.

---- Dont get married to a divorced person to show to the world how good a person you are. Do it for you and yourself alone. Not for family, not for the women. Never should it ever come into your mind that you are doing a favour. Also, dont do it just for religion or the good of society. Even though religion glorifies marrying a divorced women and giving her support, it is a personal choice. Dont restrict yourself by religion. If you have the smallest doubt, let the woman go, may be she will find a better person and you will save her and yourself a world of hurt.



I have this to say to divorced women...



- You guys have guts to break a relationship, you are brave and I respect you for that.



- Never think you have less to offer, never bow down to pressure.



- Never run away from a good man. They are far and few in between and when you think the right one comes along, do everything to keep him.



- Being divorced is not your fault. Its better than living in a dysfunctional relationship. You have done the right thing.



- Dont think much about people who bad mouth you. There is an Indian saying "Kutton ke bhonkne se haathi chalna nahin baand kar dethe, kutton ka kaam hain bhokna, hathion ka kaam hai chalna".. Move on with life and make the best of it.



Be brave... and have fun.



~Badmash~

[a divorcee]

asli badmash, that was a great one, very matured and to the point. almost like as if you knew me and my feelings (and the likes of me)and what I went through before, during and after the process of the divorce and what I did need to be told to brave not just the divorce but the fallouts, mainly from the society.

This was 12 yrs back ! so understandable to a certain extent, I guess, yet....



Again, let me congratulate you for having shown such maturity

[uzma]

Excellent way to put the things.....A_B

indeed , if one can have this understanding and maturity ,one can tackle life better .

I understand the society doesnt treat divorced women well. But times are changing and I think educated women today are getting equal status as compared to unmarried women.

I am unmarried and I dont have any qualms about getting togather with a divorced woman. I cant speak about the whole world.. but this is my view.

Few observations, for people who want to get involved with a divorced women.

1. Divorced people may carry a lot of baggage; social and personal and it is understandable.
----- People who want to get involved with divorced women should have a lot of patience and an understanding nature. Overall you should love that woman unconditionally. Make sure that your family understands the situation, because marraige in India is not between two people its between two families. Iron out all the minor details before you jump into a deal.

2. Time is the best healer for Divorced women.
---- Give them time, when a women goes through trauma of divorce, she is breaking bonds she thought would be for her life. The best thing to do is to give them your love, support and understanding. Let them come out of their shell and show signs of normalcy before you can take your matter further. And never bring up the issue of divorce in a way that hurts the other person or puts them down.

3. Make sure you deal with all your insecurities.
--- Make sure you deal with all your insecurities of all kinds before you get togather with a divorced person. Personal, Sexual and mental. Because there is nothing worse than jumping headlong into a relationship with a divorced person and then treating them unfairly.

4. Make sure you check out all the details.
---- Make sure you check out all the details. I understand women are all about honesty and trust. But under family and socities pressure women some times buckle under the pressure and donot share all the details. Make sure you ask all the right questions and you get all the right answers, you would have done that in a normal relationship anyway. Nothing against women, women should also check out all the details...

5. Dont do it for others.
---- Dont get married to a divorced person to show to the world how good a person you are. Do it for you and yourself alone. Not for family, not for the women. Never should it ever come into your mind that you are doing a favour. Also, dont do it just for religion or the good of society. Even though religion glorifies marrying a divorced women and giving her support, it is a personal choice. Dont restrict yourself by religion. If you have the smallest doubt, let the woman go, may be she will find a better person and you will save her and yourself a world of hurt.

I have this to say to divorced women...

- You guys have guts to break a relationship, you are brave and I respect you for that.

- Never think you have less to offer, never bow down to pressure.

- Never run away from a good man. They are far and few in between and when you think the right one comes along, do everything to keep him.

- Being divorced is not your fault. Its better than living in a dysfunctional relationship. You have done the right thing.

- Dont think much about people who bad mouth you. There is an Indian saying "Kutton ke bhonkne se haathi chalna nahin baand kar dethe, kutton ka kaam hain bhokna, hathion ka kaam hai chalna".. Move on with life and make the best of it.

Be brave... and have fun.

~Badmash~

[Asli_Badmash]

Excellent way to put the things.....A_B
indeed , if one can have this understanding and maturity ,one can tackle life better .

Thanks and I hope people browsing through this topic do get some things into their head. And I hope we as a society start treating divorced women a little better. I dont know how far we are but I am sure that day will come.



~Badmash~



Are you the Uzma from "Uzma and Lata" post about Burqa-wali and Bottu-wali!

[CtrlAltDel]

society is changing these days and divorces are (regrettably) becoming common. divorces should go thru only in certain cases where compromise is impossible.



regarding society's reaction to divorcees, esp ladies, it has to change thru education and change in mindset. in the indian mentality, marriage is the be-all and end-all of life, esp for a woman. girls are brot up with the idea that the ultimate goal in life is getting married and settling down.



this mentality is responsible for society's reactions to divorced or single women. media shud contribute in changing the mindset, but unfortunately its not happenning. look at all the crappy women oriented TV soaps...they promote the most regressive role-models for women.[/i]

[uzma]

A-badmash !!

yes ....

[Asli_badmash]

I agree with CtrlAltDel; Media is a strong force in our society today and it should be playing its part. One Media Reserach House says that, TV soaps and serials do change how people think and behave. Maybe its time they start showing the reality of life in India.



Uzma:

Nice name... So you are the one responsible for riots in Hyderabad.



~Badmash~

[azazel]

my sister was divorced twice but she was lucky enuff to find the right guy in my bro-in-law who's a great guyn understands her better than those two bastards could ever do..they r happy together n she had her first child with him ..This is just to tell other divorcees that dun ever be disappointed or disturbed with that 'tag'

life is too short to be worried with short-comings ..my sister braved thru a lotta crap that was thrown her way n now mashallah she's on top of things.. Be brave n u shall succeed..

[CtrlAltDel]

my sister was divorced twice but she was lucky enuff to find the right guy in my bro-in-law.....my sister braved thru a lotta crap that was thrown her way n now mashallah she's on top of things.. Be brave n u shall succeed..

kudos to your sister man! we need more brave ladies like her in this country to make a difference.



all this could not have been achieved without family support, which without doubt must have been available in abundance! good attitude in the family is very important for ladies to take such major decisions.



my hats off to her as well as to your family.

[Asli_badmash]

my sister was divorced twice but she was lucky enuff to find the right guy in my bro-in-law who's a great guyn understands her better than those two bastards .......my sister braved thru a lotta crap that was thrown her way n now mashallah she's on top of things.. Be brave n u shall succeed..

Azazel : Hats off to your sister and your family ! And above all hats off to your brother-in-law. I admire people with guts and resolve to do the right thing.



If I may say... Education and exposure opens your eyes, but it takes personal grit and resolve to step out and face the world.



~Badmash~

[azazel]

thx ya'll..

she'll be very happy with all the good wishes n words of encouragement!

[mysterious babe]

Hi....

I think i m really late in this discusiion and m not sure if this would continue. But hats off to asli badmash. I ditn know there were such understanding guys around. its true women land up getting stuck in a marraige cuase they dont want the stigma of divorce.I think it needs mare guts to walk out of a failing marraige then to live life alone. cause u have already made the decision to live alone . But i m not sure if someone would b willing to give second marraige a try cause th efirst one would have left such deep bruises that its difficult o get into another one

[asli_badmash]

Hi....
I think i m really late in this discusiion and m not sure if this would continue. But hats off to asli badmash. I ditn know there were such understanding guys around.

Thanks you are very kind.



When people go through life and see their loved ones suffer, it changes them from inside. I hope I have learnt a bit or two. This is a very touchy subject for me and I meant what I wrote.



~badmash~

[mysterious babe]

asli badmash must tell u ur wifes gonna b only lucky babe