Commitmophobic?
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Commitmophobic?
Who fears commitment(as in a relationship) more? Men or Women?
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you are right.
- Crack of dawn
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
MEN cuz they always seem to find better options..
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Smoking helps to reduce weight, a LUNG at a time.
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- Johnny
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
well....I think Men are biologically incapable of 100% commitment. Even a much married man at least looks at a passing beauty and fantasizes, if not actually cheat on his spouse.(I hope my wife too believes in this theory!!!!!)
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wtf? i no longer care if my posts hurt yr feelings 
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- CtrlAltDel
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
They find better options or they \"choose\" to find better options?? Fidelity is far more higher among women. Statistics reveal that.
<br>I know of some women who are afraid of commiting, simply bcoz their prospective would-be\'s come with a list of issues that their gf/spouse should conform to. The ladies I\'m talking about have careers that they are proud of and the thought of giving it all up for one guy doesn\'t settle easily in their minds. And justifiably so.
<br>And as far as fantasising about other women is concerned, its all very well to talk like that. I\'d like to know how most men would react if their wives/gfs told them that they fantasize about some \'hot guy\'. What\'s sauce for the goose should be sauce for the gander.
<br>I know of some women who are afraid of commiting, simply bcoz their prospective would-be\'s come with a list of issues that their gf/spouse should conform to. The ladies I\'m talking about have careers that they are proud of and the thought of giving it all up for one guy doesn\'t settle easily in their minds. And justifiably so.
<br>And as far as fantasising about other women is concerned, its all very well to talk like that. I\'d like to know how most men would react if their wives/gfs told them that they fantasize about some \'hot guy\'. What\'s sauce for the goose should be sauce for the gander.
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you are right.
- Crack of dawn
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
Please, I hate these sexist rantings. You can keep your \'statistics\' to yourself. Fidelity or the lack of it has got nothing to do with gender, but the outlook of the concerned individuals. Don\'t give me this bull about women being more virtuous than men. It\'s one huge selfish world and the debate is about who can be more selfish - and the answers can be as diverse as the people who are involved. Thank you 
<br>(Please, Thank you and the smile inserted to conform to Anil\'s standards
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<br>(Please, Thank you and the smile inserted to conform to Anil\'s standards
)Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans - John Lennon
- JustaLittleUnwell
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
Women are more virtuous? Says who? Hey, I can\'t speak for the entire female community, but its a known thing that men are more prone to slip as far as fidelity is concerned. In fact, a gentleman on this Board, has been honest enough to admit it. Yeah it all depends on the individuals concerned, but lets look at facts a little more rationally, shall we?
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you are right.
- Crack of dawn
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
Crack of dawn, when you say \"Fidelity is far more higher among women\" you definitely imply that women are more virtuous, unless you think fidelity is not a virtue.
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<br>Coming to your \"its a known thing that men are more prone to slip as far as fidelity is concerned\" - could it be that you are going by popular perceptions and myths? There are so many articles appearing in magazines like Outlook, Week and so on which shatter such myths, and expose the realities of urban social life. When people, irrespective of gender, become financially and emotionally independent, there is little incentive for them to stick on with some one they do not love anymore.
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<br>I appreciate the \'honesty\' of the gentleman you refer to, and hope that the \'fairer\' sex would also be equally honest.
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<br>Coming to your \"its a known thing that men are more prone to slip as far as fidelity is concerned\" - could it be that you are going by popular perceptions and myths? There are so many articles appearing in magazines like Outlook, Week and so on which shatter such myths, and expose the realities of urban social life. When people, irrespective of gender, become financially and emotionally independent, there is little incentive for them to stick on with some one they do not love anymore.
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<br>I appreciate the \'honesty\' of the gentleman you refer to, and hope that the \'fairer\' sex would also be equally honest.
Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans - John Lennon
- JustaLittleUnwell
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
Men are very, very sensitive about anything that even smacks of \"commitment\" (like I have to tell YOU!)
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<br>The concept of commitment means something very different to men and women. Women interpret commitment as security, future, and possibly marriage and children. From the time women are little girls they are constantly given the image of the white wedding, the house with the picket fence and kids. In fact, if you really think about it things like weddings, Valentine\'s Day, children - all are really for the benefit of women! Women (especially today) really have all the options. You can move between careers, go back to school, stay at home, leave a career to have kids, return to the career, etc., etc., all without the absolute responsibility of supporting the family.
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<br>Men on the other hand see commitment as something quite different. To men, commitment (or even the hint of it) means a lack of freedom! Why is this so? Consider what happens to men socially. Men pay 92% or more of all dating costs. They pay 74% of all family costs. A man has only one choice when he leaves school - go to work and become successful. The more he earns, the better women he can attract! Commitment means that he has fewer choices - in work, in women, in play, in time, and in life. He can\'t just \"up and leave\" a job when he is married. He has to think about his family. Thus, when a man looks at commitment, he sees a lifetime of struggle. On his own, he only has the pressures he places on himself.
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<br>Incase you can grab ReadersDigest August/03 edition you may like to read a article on the same topic.
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<br>Ciao~
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<br>The concept of commitment means something very different to men and women. Women interpret commitment as security, future, and possibly marriage and children. From the time women are little girls they are constantly given the image of the white wedding, the house with the picket fence and kids. In fact, if you really think about it things like weddings, Valentine\'s Day, children - all are really for the benefit of women! Women (especially today) really have all the options. You can move between careers, go back to school, stay at home, leave a career to have kids, return to the career, etc., etc., all without the absolute responsibility of supporting the family.
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<br>Men on the other hand see commitment as something quite different. To men, commitment (or even the hint of it) means a lack of freedom! Why is this so? Consider what happens to men socially. Men pay 92% or more of all dating costs. They pay 74% of all family costs. A man has only one choice when he leaves school - go to work and become successful. The more he earns, the better women he can attract! Commitment means that he has fewer choices - in work, in women, in play, in time, and in life. He can\'t just \"up and leave\" a job when he is married. He has to think about his family. Thus, when a man looks at commitment, he sees a lifetime of struggle. On his own, he only has the pressures he places on himself.
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<br>Incase you can grab ReadersDigest August/03 edition you may like to read a article on the same topic.
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<br>Ciao~
- BornBad
- Guest
Commitmophobic?
Hey BornBad, thanx for the correction. Shall remember it the next time I use the word.
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<br>Also, ur post made me look at things from a guy\'s perspective and yeah I can\'t help say that you\'ve hit the nail on the head about that description on women (more specifically Indian women). Even if there are a few who want to break away from that mould they are subject to long sermons of the pluses of commitment(read marriage), kids,etc etc.
<br>That bit on men was a bit of an eye-opener!
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<br>JustaLittleUnwell, what are we arguing about? You are putting words in my mouth by saying that women are \"more virtuous\". Fidelity is higher among women. And if that makes them virtuous, so be it! And I\'m not going by \"popular perceptions and myths\". Sorry if I sound blunt but ignoring facts won\'t change them. One more thing, you stop loving someone when you become \"financially independant\"? I can\'t quite fathom that. You probably outgrow him/her.
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<br>Also, ur post made me look at things from a guy\'s perspective and yeah I can\'t help say that you\'ve hit the nail on the head about that description on women (more specifically Indian women). Even if there are a few who want to break away from that mould they are subject to long sermons of the pluses of commitment(read marriage), kids,etc etc.
<br>That bit on men was a bit of an eye-opener!
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<br>JustaLittleUnwell, what are we arguing about? You are putting words in my mouth by saying that women are \"more virtuous\". Fidelity is higher among women. And if that makes them virtuous, so be it! And I\'m not going by \"popular perceptions and myths\". Sorry if I sound blunt but ignoring facts won\'t change them. One more thing, you stop loving someone when you become \"financially independant\"? I can\'t quite fathom that. You probably outgrow him/her.
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you are right.
- Crack of dawn
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
Crack of Dawn, you are entitled to your belief about the greater fidelity of women, and state it as a fact. Likewise, I\'m entitled to disagree with it based on my knowledge and experience.
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<br>Let\'s see who\'s putting words into other\'s mouths - I never said you stop loving someone <i>because</i> you are financially independent. What I said was if you are financially independent <i>and</i> you\'ve stopped loving your spouse, you tend to seek other options - infidelity being one of them.
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<br>There\'s one more thing i missed to refute in my last post - your portrayal of women as noble and celibate souls whose only interest in life is to succeed in careers and the commitment being the only thing coming in their way. Can we be realistic here at least? A commitment can be an encumberance equally to a man as well. There are so many conformance requirements imposed on a man too. It\'s not the men alone coming with a laundry list of expectations. And men have ambitions too, and a commitment can often come in their way of realizing them, just like it could happen to women.
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<br>Let\'s see who\'s putting words into other\'s mouths - I never said you stop loving someone <i>because</i> you are financially independent. What I said was if you are financially independent <i>and</i> you\'ve stopped loving your spouse, you tend to seek other options - infidelity being one of them.
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<br>There\'s one more thing i missed to refute in my last post - your portrayal of women as noble and celibate souls whose only interest in life is to succeed in careers and the commitment being the only thing coming in their way. Can we be realistic here at least? A commitment can be an encumberance equally to a man as well. There are so many conformance requirements imposed on a man too. It\'s not the men alone coming with a laundry list of expectations. And men have ambitions too, and a commitment can often come in their way of realizing them, just like it could happen to women.
Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans - John Lennon
- JustaLittleUnwell
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
BornBad, I\'m not sure if I agree with you that a commitment is tailored to benefit only the women. There are studies that I\'ve come across which have found that men who live longer are the ones who are steadily married.
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<br>I also cannot agree with your view that men dread anything to do with committment (not just to relationships, but commitment to everything that they take up, including relationships). Generalized portrayal of men as a bunch of escapists is not something I would agree with.
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<br>Strong nations and societies are built by committed men and women - it is true in the case of our country as well. Adding this rhetoric just to emphasize that a committed person remains committed to his/her family, just as he/she is committed to his/her mission.
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<br>I also cannot agree with your view that men dread anything to do with committment (not just to relationships, but commitment to everything that they take up, including relationships). Generalized portrayal of men as a bunch of escapists is not something I would agree with.
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<br>Strong nations and societies are built by committed men and women - it is true in the case of our country as well. Adding this rhetoric just to emphasize that a committed person remains committed to his/her family, just as he/she is committed to his/her mission.
Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans - John Lennon
- JustaLittleUnwell
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
this discussion is turning intersting! in my last post here, i commented that men are not biologically capable of 100% commitment. this statement is not far wrong and so is the opinion that women are more \"prone\" towards commitment than men.
<br>if u consider the males from ages ago, right from cavemen, they had the propensity to have as many mates as possible...to ensure the spread of their \"seed\". this is purely biological. human females generally were a part of a man\'s harem and that man defended his mates from competitors. this behavious is prevelant on most other animals too.
<br>human civilization has tried to impose an unnatural social order in form of monogamy & marriage and has changed only the mindset and not the genetic behaviour of men. in most cultures polygamy (or polyandry) was declared immoral (morality is again a human invention and can vary between cultures).
<br>this is why if a man \"cheats\" on his spouse or even fantasizes about other women, he is just responding to his primeval nature.
<br>this is not to condone infidelity but to make people esp (ladies) understand why men might \"stray\"
<br>if u consider the males from ages ago, right from cavemen, they had the propensity to have as many mates as possible...to ensure the spread of their \"seed\". this is purely biological. human females generally were a part of a man\'s harem and that man defended his mates from competitors. this behavious is prevelant on most other animals too.
<br>human civilization has tried to impose an unnatural social order in form of monogamy & marriage and has changed only the mindset and not the genetic behaviour of men. in most cultures polygamy (or polyandry) was declared immoral (morality is again a human invention and can vary between cultures).
<br>this is why if a man \"cheats\" on his spouse or even fantasizes about other women, he is just responding to his primeval nature.
<br>this is not to condone infidelity but to make people esp (ladies) understand why men might \"stray\"
wtf? i no longer care if my posts hurt yr feelings
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
- CtrlAltDel
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
CtrlAltDel, I agree the discussion is turning interesting. However, I would have to disagree about the biological factor. Evolution and mutation are perfectly in line with biology, and the fact is that humans have evolved to become monogamic/andric. Unlike other animals, humans had the power of thought, and with that, they created civilizations and framed rules required to sustain those civilizations. So, I would say it\'s quite natural that human cultures today espouse mono-partner relationships as a necessity to sustain social stability.
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<br>If we have to research cavemen behaviour to explain why today\'s men stray, where do we look for to explain why today\'s women stray? Because, according to your biological theory, women are supposed to be \'prone to commitment\', and content to be a part of a male\'s harem. So why does a straying woman deviate from her primeval nature? Primeval studies isn\'t helping much, does it?
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<br>If we have to research cavemen behaviour to explain why today\'s men stray, where do we look for to explain why today\'s women stray? Because, according to your biological theory, women are supposed to be \'prone to commitment\', and content to be a part of a male\'s harem. So why does a straying woman deviate from her primeval nature? Primeval studies isn\'t helping much, does it?
Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans - John Lennon
- JustaLittleUnwell
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
I am a bit confused here, are we speaking of men/women in general or Indian men/women in particular? This is relevant since relationships b/w men and women of India are quite different from that of the rest of world.
<br>In India most marriages are arranged marriages. That is a commitment. For most Indian men their first marriage is their last marriage, and the first women they have sex with is the last women (not speaking of infidelity). So marriage is a commitment. Divorce rates are small in India, 10%? Compare it with American divorce rates - 50% of marriages end in divorce. Most men (americans) dont marry till they cross 30 and women wont marry till they are 25. They are afraid of commitment. Many americans marry only after they live with their partners for atleast 2 years, again this speaks of lack of commitment. So we cant compare all men. Given a chance, Indians will behave no differently to americans, but its a moot point as they donot have that freedom. So we cant generalize. Commitment in general means marriage.
<br>Speaking of fidelity, infidelity is different from lack of commitment. Commitment to one man or woman doesnt mean that the person is going to be loyal to his partner forever. After a man or woman is committed (read married), many things come in way of their happy life. Incompatible partners, lack of desire on part of one partner, passive partners(General problem in India, couples donot have active sexual life) all these problems lead to infidelity.
<br>This begs the question, do Indian women cheat more than men? I dont have an answer for that. A recent survey in outlook (or was it India today) has some statistcs. I remember reading that 40% of women in Rajastan (urban/semi-urban) are not sexualy satisfied (means more prone to cheating) and 25% of the 40% cheat. Sample size 2000.
<br>In India most marriages are arranged marriages. That is a commitment. For most Indian men their first marriage is their last marriage, and the first women they have sex with is the last women (not speaking of infidelity). So marriage is a commitment. Divorce rates are small in India, 10%? Compare it with American divorce rates - 50% of marriages end in divorce. Most men (americans) dont marry till they cross 30 and women wont marry till they are 25. They are afraid of commitment. Many americans marry only after they live with their partners for atleast 2 years, again this speaks of lack of commitment. So we cant compare all men. Given a chance, Indians will behave no differently to americans, but its a moot point as they donot have that freedom. So we cant generalize. Commitment in general means marriage.
<br>Speaking of fidelity, infidelity is different from lack of commitment. Commitment to one man or woman doesnt mean that the person is going to be loyal to his partner forever. After a man or woman is committed (read married), many things come in way of their happy life. Incompatible partners, lack of desire on part of one partner, passive partners(General problem in India, couples donot have active sexual life) all these problems lead to infidelity.
<br>This begs the question, do Indian women cheat more than men? I dont have an answer for that. A recent survey in outlook (or was it India today) has some statistcs. I remember reading that 40% of women in Rajastan (urban/semi-urban) are not sexualy satisfied (means more prone to cheating) and 25% of the 40% cheat. Sample size 2000.
May the Fries be with you!
- Mayavi Morpheus
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
BornBad, it\'s definitely not my intention to pick upon you. But unfortunately, in a very remarkable coincidence, the views expressed by you are exactly (verbatim) the same as of Dr. Dennis W. Neder, the author of the infamous or famous book, \"Being a Man in a Woman\'s World\"!!! BTW guys, do read this book. It\'s just fun and many of us can see our images in it. Try searching for it at Abids on Sunday. That\'s where I picked it for just 10 bucks! Else try this link: http://friendsandlovers.com/DennisNeder ... tment.html
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<br>Also check for Dr. Neder\'s several articles available on the net. He is a zenmaster in all matters related to dating, etc. for both men and women.
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<br>Also check for Dr. Neder\'s several articles available on the net. He is a zenmaster in all matters related to dating, etc. for both men and women.
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- Anil
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
Speaking of books, in case anyone is interested in new ideas on sociology and anthropology, try Jarred Diamond\'s \'The Rise and Fall of the Third Chimpanzee\'. It\'s got a chapter on how adultery exists even in species that are essentially monogamous/monoandrous. Diamond draws parallels between these species and man, and believes that adultery (and homosexuality) are not aberrations of nature, but essential parts of it.
<br>On a different note, I believe men who fear commitment can be divided into two categories:
<br>a) those who fear the loss of freedom that comes with commitment, and
<br>b) those who have been committed in the past and are afraid the pain that comes when such a commitment doesn\'t work out.
<br>I think the same can be said for women too.
<br>Now whether men or women have the upper hand in MAINTAINING a commitment is something I can\'t really comment on. It does seem that men in general tend to take their commitments less seriously than women, but that could be purely because society until now was more tolerant of a man\'s roving eye than of a woman\'s. That could change, given the rapid redefinition of gender roles...
<br>On a different note, I believe men who fear commitment can be divided into two categories:
<br>a) those who fear the loss of freedom that comes with commitment, and
<br>b) those who have been committed in the past and are afraid the pain that comes when such a commitment doesn\'t work out.
<br>I think the same can be said for women too.
<br>Now whether men or women have the upper hand in MAINTAINING a commitment is something I can\'t really comment on. It does seem that men in general tend to take their commitments less seriously than women, but that could be purely because society until now was more tolerant of a man\'s roving eye than of a woman\'s. That could change, given the rapid redefinition of gender roles...
'Ab Hoc Possum Videre Domum Tuum!'
- Fiddler
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
Fiddler bhai...well said...i cud not have put it better. i was saying somewhat the samething with more stress on biological origins of such behaviour.
<br>yes...women do stray occassionally and i\'ll say thats because of influence of \"civilized\" society combined with psychological stress factors.
<br>As for saying that americans lack commitment since they marry late or opt for a livin relationship, i dont agree fully. maybe they want to make sure they are making the right choice before making a commitment...after all commitment is for life!
<br>the problem with Indian version of commitment is that if the choice turns out wrong, then the partners suffer, more so the lady involved.
<br>as far as infidelity (actual or fantasized) is concerned, even tho many refuse to recognize it, it was always there, it is there and would always be there...after all deep inside we are animals too, civilization be damned!
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<br>btw, i just thot of moving to rajastan...can anyone advise me on best place to stay in Jaipur..heh heh ;-D
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<br>yes...women do stray occassionally and i\'ll say thats because of influence of \"civilized\" society combined with psychological stress factors.
<br>As for saying that americans lack commitment since they marry late or opt for a livin relationship, i dont agree fully. maybe they want to make sure they are making the right choice before making a commitment...after all commitment is for life!
<br>the problem with Indian version of commitment is that if the choice turns out wrong, then the partners suffer, more so the lady involved.
<br>as far as infidelity (actual or fantasized) is concerned, even tho many refuse to recognize it, it was always there, it is there and would always be there...after all deep inside we are animals too, civilization be damned!
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<br>btw, i just thot of moving to rajastan...can anyone advise me on best place to stay in Jaipur..heh heh ;-D
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wtf? i no longer care if my posts hurt yr feelings
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
Love me or hate me, u cant ignore me
- CtrlAltDel
- Registered User
Commitmophobic?
Anil, As mentioned above I picked the article from RD, which I completely believe in.
<br>Getting late, am going to Mumbai ...catch ya later when be back in town and got some time to kill.
<br>Getting late, am going to Mumbai ...catch ya later when be back in town and got some time to kill.
- BornBad
- Guest
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